


Her Greatest Invention Yet

by queerbioengineer



Category: Ghostbusters (2016), Ghostbusters - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Artificial Insemination, Baby, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff, Holtzbert - Freeform, Maybe some smut later, Parenthood, Pregnancy, but not too much Angst, just enough to keep things spicy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-22
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-09-26 05:24:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 38,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9864857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queerbioengineer/pseuds/queerbioengineer
Summary: Jillian Holtzmann never pictured herself being a proper, flesh and blood mother, and she isn't sure she's prepared for it. But she'll do anything for the love of her life, and the family they were meant to have.Or, the one where Holtz builds a baby.





	1. Chapter 1

“Babe, are you almost done in there?” Erin shouted from the couch in their living room. “You’re gonna miss SNL.”

 

“Just a minute,” Holtz called absentmindedly. She had been sitting on the bathroom sink for the past ten minutes, staring at the object in her hands. Such an ordinary little invention, she noted. Nothing like she would’ve designed, and she definitely wouldn’t have named it “First Response.” Nah, it needed something classier. Like “Womb, there it is.” 

 

But still, it got the job done, and that was what really mattered to an engineer, at the end of the day. It told her what she needed to know. Two little red lines, indicating that she  wasn’t just Jillian anymore, she was Jillian-plus-one. 

 

She breathed in and exhaled deeply.  Now she just had to tell Erin. 

 

Erin. Sweet Erin. Erin who wanted kids so badly, but had been told by the doctor that her age could cause complications. Erin who didn’t want to risk that, who thought it wouldn’t be fair to their baby...

 

“Our baby,” Holtz mumbled, while she spun the ring wrapped around her finger. She remembered that day perfectly. How Erin had cried in her sleep that night, and Holtz’s heart had broken while she held her sobbing wife in her arms. Holtz had wanted kids too, but hadn’t ever mentioned carrying one to Erin. She figured she was too unstable, too untrustworthy. Carrying a baby was a big task, one that she had always felt she couldn’t be trusted with. 

 

But, as Erin drifted back into her fitful slumber, Holtz realized that she had to do this. She had sworn to always be the one to mend her wife’s broken heart. And she had the means to do so. A younger body and a healthy uterus: An engineer’s tools. She had promised to build Erin the best inventions; she wasn’t about to break that promise now. 

 

The very next morning, she had proposed the idea to Erin. The physicist had wrapped her arms around Holtz and practically squeezed the living daylights out of her, murmuring I love you’s and thank you’s for what felt like hours, before rushing to grab her binders full of potential donors out of the trash.

 

And now, weeks later, Holtz found herself struggling to find the right words to say to Erin, muttering them out in front of the mirror.

 

“Erin, I have a parasite growing in my… no that’s too dark. Um, I have two heartbeats now! Ew, get out of here Bridget Jones. God. Heeey, Erin, by the way, in case you were wondering, my body is now occupied… Okay that one sounded wrong, I can hear it now.”

 

Holtz groaned, thumping her head gently into the mirror. Why did this have to be so hard. It’s just Erin. Just her, talking to Erin. Just her, Holtzmann, telling her wife, Erin, the good news. 

 

Her eyes fell down to the hem of her shirt. She had worn a crop top today, what with it being hot as balls out. She placed a tentative hand on the smooth, pale stretch of skin on her lower stomach. It was warm. She was still as skinny as always, seeing as it was just a microscopic little embryo in their right now. But it was in there. It wasn’t just her and Erin anymore.

 

“Pregnant,” she said to herself slowly. “I’m… pregnant.” She smiled softly, the word finally feeling natural on her tongue. This was it. She could do this. 

 

Holtz grabbed the used test and opened the door, walking slowly into the living room of their apartment. There was Erin. Beautiful Erin, curled up on the couch, blissfully unaware. She looked up at Holtz confusedly. “Everything okay sweetie?” 

 

“Yeah,” Holtz grinned, settling onto the couch next to Erin, meeting her eyes with the bright, joyful gaze of her own baby blues. “I’m pregnant.”

 

Erin blinked. She opened her mouth and closed it again, mind still catching up with the words. “You…what?”

 

“I,” Holtz smiled, grabbing each of Erin’s hands. “Am,” she placed Erin’s hands on either side of her slender belly. “Pregnant.” She covered each of Erin’s hands with her own, staring at her gorgeous wife as she waited for her to catch up. 

 

Erin blinked, eyes watering as she looked down at their hands, and up at the woman beaming at her. “For real, Jilly?” she squeaked out, voice trembling.

 

“Yes,” Holtz laughed, giggling with excitement. “For realzies.”

 

“Oh my God!” Erin shrieked, laughing along with Holtz finally as the tears spilled over the edges of her eyes. “Oh my God, Jill! This is incredible!” She kissed Holtz again and again, which was made difficult by the fact that neither of them could stop grinning or giggling. 

 

Erin breathed a sigh of happiness as she wrapped Holtz in her arms. “We’re gonna be mommies, Jill,” she whispered in Holtz’s ear. 

 

Holtz buried her face in Erin’s neck. “I like the sound of that,” she mumbled into Erin’s soft skin. 

 

Pulling back, Holtz whipped the pregnancy test out of her pocket and held it up to Erin’s face like a microphone. “Erin Gilbert, you’ve just won the Babybowl, what are you gonna do now?” She barked out in her announcer’s voice.

 

Erin laughed, then fixed Holtz’s gaze with a playful glint in her eyes. “I’m gonna go make love to my wife.” 

 

She practically pounced on Holtz, who fell backwards with a squeak onto the couch, where they stayed for the rest of the night.


	2. Chapter 2

 

Later that night, Erin and Holtz lay in bed peacefully, beginning to doze off. Holtz snuggled into the crook of Erin’s neck, sighing happily. “I can’t wait to tell Abby and Patty tomorrow,” she murmured sleepily. 

 

Erin opened her eyes wide, turning to her lover. “Babe, we can’t do that yet!”

 

Holtz frowned, eyes opening as well as the two sat up in bed. “Why not? They’re our best friends, we should tell them.”

 

“It’s not that simple, sweetie,” Erin sighed. “We shouldn’t tell them until you’ve had your first doctor’s appointment, and they make sure everything’s okay.”

 

“But why?” Holtz whined, never having liked keeping secrets. “I wanna tell them now!”

 

Erin looked down and away from her wife’s bright blue eyes. “Because in the first 6 weeks or so, there’s a good chance something could… happen to it. Like, a 10% chance.” 

 

Holtz’s face dropped. “Oh,” she said quietly. She drew her hands to her stomach under her t-shirt, suddenly weighed down by the possibility that she might do something wrong, might mess this whole thing up before it even really started. It was so small, she thought, with her eyes beginning to water. So tiny. How am I going to keep this safe for 9 whole months? 

 

Erin furrowed her brow as she watched Holtz begin to curl into herself on her side of the bed. “Jill, honey? Are you okay?”

 

Holtz suddenly burst into tears, leaning into Erin’s startled embrace as her petite frame was racked with sobs. “I-don’t-want-to-lose-it,” she choked out between gasps. 

 

“Oh honey,” Erin said, rubbing Holtz’s back soothingly as her t-shirt became damp with tears. Crying pregnant wife, you can do this Erin, she thought. “I didn’t want to scare you, I’m sure it’s going to be fine. Let’s just wait to tell them until after we see the doctor just in case, okay?” She scratched Holtz’s head beneath her mess of curly blonde hair, letting the engineer get her sudden shock of emotions out.

 

“Okay,” Holtz sniffled, calming herself down into slower, hiccupy breaths. Erin wiped the tears from her eyes tenderly as she met her gaze. “Can I nest in your cleavage now?”

 

Erin snorted, happy to see that the blonde had recovered quickly. “Sure, Jilly.” And they fell asleep like so, Erin’s arms around Holtz’s frame, and Holtz’s face snuggled into her chest.

 

 

—

 

“Goooood morning, busters!” Holtz chirped as the married couple strolled into the Firehouse the following Monday, Patty and Abby calling out their greetings from the kitchen. “Who’s ready for another week of groundbreaking science?” The blonde ball of energy took a running jump up onto the kitchen counter, scooting her butt over enough to snatch a donut right out of Patty’s unamused hand. Erin giggled at her lover’s antics as she put their coats in the hallway closet. 

 

“What’s got you in such a good mood, baby?” Patty wondered as she reached for another donut. “Last I checked you were not a morning person.”

 

“Patty, my darling Patty,” Holtz chided through a mouthful of donut. “This is nonsense, you’re talking. I am an all-day sort of person.” She paused. "Except for Wednesdays. Wednesdays are cursed days.” 

 

Abby chuckled as she poured fresh coffee into two mugs. “You’re just bitter because we used to have to TA for those dumb kids at Higgins on Wednesdays.” 

 

“But no more, Abster!” Holtz smiled, as she made grabby hands for the cup of coffee Abby had just added far too much sugar to.

 

Across the kitchen, Erin’s eyes widened as she speed-walked over to counter. “No don’t drink that!” she yelped. 

 

Abby and Patty turned confused eyes to Erin as Holtz panicked in understanding a moment too late. “Why not?” Patty said slowly, as Erin fumbled for a believable excuse. 

 

“Um.. because, we, already had coffee at home,” Erin gave a forced chuckle. “I don’t think I could stand working with her all day if she’s bouncing off the walls.”

 

By some miracle, Abby nodded in understanding. “I feel that. You should’ve been there when she discovered RedBull. That was the worst week of my life. Although she did manage to finish half a semester’s work in one night.”

 

“Right, well, Erin and I have lots of important work to do upstairs, so we’re gonna go… do that.” Holtz grabbed erin by the hand and tugged her out of the kitchen, darting back in a moment later to snatch the box of donuts out from under Abby’s nose. 

 

“That was too close,” Erin muttered once they had closed the lab door behind them. Holtz slumped down into her swivel chair with a groan.

 

“I’m sorry, Er-Bear,” Holtz mumbled like a kicked puppy while she turned herself in circles with her foot. “I forgot I wasn’t supposed to have that anymore.”

 

“It’s okay, Jilly,” Erin kissed her on the forehead. “This is all still new to you. I’ll buy some books, and write up a list to help you remember, okay?”

 

“Okay," Holtz replied with a smile, before her face dropped as she remembered something. “Can I still go out on busts?” she asked anxiously. 

 

Erin frowned, thinking carefully. It would certainly be a long nine months with only three members. “It should be okay for now,” she said slowly. “We’ll ask the doctor about it when we go to the appointment. But for now, just stick to the back and be extra careful not to get hurt, okay?”

 

“Sounds like a plan,” Holtz grinned. She suddenly shot out of her seat. “I forgot something!” she shouted to noone in particular.

 

“What?” Erin asked anxiously, looking around as if something was about to blow up. 

 

“I promised Kev I would help him practice for the H&S tournament!” Holtz sprinted over to the fireman’s pole, sliding down to the first floor with a wink. “Wish me luck!”

 

“Good luck! Be safe!” Erin called out weakly before slumping into her chair, face sinking into her hands with a groan. If she thought she had anxiety before, it was nothing compared to what these  next months would bring. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Holtz tries to keep everyone from finding out, but its getting much harder...
> 
> Keep your eyes out for a Bridesmaids reference ;)

Patty was getting suspicious.

 

It had been two weeks now since Holtzy had started acting weird. Well, that crazy little white girl always acted weird. But this was different. Patty began writing down notes, to see if she could figure out what was up. 

 

First of all, she stopped drinking coffee in the Firehouse, and she did not look happy about it. Patty didn’t believe the whole “I had some at home” charade for a second. She was downright crabby in the mornings, shooting death glares at Erin whenever they walked in. Maybe Erin was getting on her about her health? It wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. 

 

But that wasn’t the only thing, Patty thought. Holtz was acting weird during busts too. She didn’t make crazy jumps and go barreling into the door guns blazing anymore. She was careful and reserved. A little too careful. She didn’t even go speeding through the streets driving them places anymore. Patty nearly fainted when she saw Holtzy going under the speed limit to their last bust. Oh yeah, something was definitely up with her girl.

 

She had a theory: maybe Holtz was sick, a stomach bug or something.  She seemed to be excusing herself to the bathroom a lot more, and it would explain not wanting something acidic like coffee. But why wouldn’t she tell anyone? Did Erin know? And what kind of stomach bug would it be lasting this long? Patty grew tired of wondering, and tired of Holtzy blowing off her questions about her wellbeing all week, and decided to test her theory by walking up to the lab one afternoon for lunch.

 

“Hey Holtzy!" She shouted cheerfully, voice carrying over the sound of a welding torch. Holtz turned it off and flipped up her face mask, giving Patty a tight smile as she leaned against the bench. “What can I do for you Pattycakes?” she asked, voice a bit flat. 

 

“I was just coming up to make sure you were okay, Holtz. You sick or something?” Patty gave the direct approach one last try. 

 

Holtz, as usual, waved her off with an attempt at casual behavior. “I’m fine, Patty. Perfect specimen of health. And quite frankly, I don’t know why you’d think anything different.” She struck an awkward pose on the bench, looking at relaxed as someone in welding gear can look. 

 

Patty smirked. “Alright,” she continued, “If you’re sure you’re okay, then you won’t mind me eating my lunch here?”

 

Holtz’s smile grew a little tighter. “I don’t see why not.” The grin fell off her face when Patty pulled out a plastic container of hard boiled eggs. 

 

“Great,” Patty said, popping open the container and taking a large bite of an egg. “Because I am just starving for these bad boys.”

 

Holtz’s face seemed to get a little paler, although she maintained the forced smile on her face. “Thats… a lot of eggs, Pats.”

 

“Yeah, gotta get that protein, keep myself in shape,” Patty replied. She eyed the small engineer’s face, noting the slight grey tinge it was getting. “This isn’t bothering you, is it? The smell?”

 

“Absolutely not,” Holtz choked out, a bead of sweat running down the side of her forehead. “I feel great.”

 

“So, this doesn’t make you nauseous?” Patty ventured. "You don’t want to… throw up, do you? Would that make you feel better?” She took another bite of an egg, chewing slowly.

 

“Nope,” an extremely sweaty Holtzmann insisted. “In fact- I am hungry, and I wish, I had, a snack.” 

 

Feeling more than a little bit evil, Patty held out her lunch container to her stubborn, green-faced little friend. Holtz stared at it like Patty had just offered her a tub of writhing rattlesnakes. 

 

“Ah,” she croaked. “Perfect.” She tentatively plucked an egg out of the container and brought it to her mouth, suppressing a gag before she chewed off a tiny bite, swallowing heavily. Patty watched, dumbfounded at Holtzmann’s insistence that she was fine. 

 

“That’s so much better,” she smiled through pained eyes. “Thank you, Patricia. I am going to go powder my nose now, because that is something ladies to after they eat, or so I am told.” 

 

The small blonde practically sprinted over to the 2nd floor bathroom, and as Patty retreated downstairs, she heard the unmistakable sound of retching coming from behind the closed door. She sighed to herself. She’d find out what was going on one way or another. 

 

—

One more week, Holtz groaned to herself. One more week until she could tell everybody. 

 

Because honestly, she needed someone to complain to right now. Erin was a huge help at home, reading and annotating all the pregnancy books, comforting her through her mood swings. But at work, they both had to act like everything was normal, and Erin doting on her too much would be suspicious. 

 

But dammit, Holtz was getting frustrated keeping this secret. She slammed her wrench down on the garage tool bench and slumped over it, trying to take some pressure off her feet. She and Kevin had been trying to fix the equipment on the Ecto-1 for a good 3 hours now, and they still had a long ways to go, a thought that made Holtz groan even louder. 

 

Kevin poked his head up from the other side of the garage. “Everything alright, boss?”

 

Holtz looked up, reminding herself that Kevin was to blame for none of this. “Yes, everything’s fine, Kev,” she said as kindly as possible in her current hating-the-world state of mind. She grabbed the wrench and crawled back on top of the car, and set to trying to fasten the reactor base a bit more securely. 

 

She was brought out of her angry wrenching by someone poking her in the back. “What is it, Kev?” she growled, turning towards the source of her irritations. 

 

Kevin was holding up his work boots, leaving him standing in his socks in the middle of the garage. “I thought you might feel better in these, boss.” He grinned. “I’ve got tennis shoes in my satchel I can wear.” 

 

“Oh.” Holtz frowned, taking the work boots as she kicked her own off of her swollen feet. “Um, thanks Kevin.” She laced the man’s boots over her feet, which felt like they weighed a million pounds. She breathed a sigh of relief. That felt so much better. 

 

“Anytime, boss.” Kevin skipped off to his gym bag to retrieve his shoes, leaving Holtz staring at him like he had two heads. How the hell had that giant puppy dog known her feet hurt?

 

She stared down at her feet, laced into the new boots. Maybe she was more transparent than she thought. She would have to be more careful, or else someone might find out too soon. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> angst and fluff and angst and fluff and

Erin woke up first again. The past week or so, Jillian had been getting tired more easily. She  was up to 7 full hours of sleep a night, a new record. 

 But Erin didn’t mind. She loved opening her eyes to the sight of Jillian fast asleep. Blonde hair sprawled out on the pillow, long eyelashes gently fluttering as she murmured in her sleep. Arms clinging onto Erin like a koala bear in her sleep. A small puddle of drool on the pillow next to her.

She was a beautiful mess. And Erin would have had it no other way. 

Erin gently moved her Jillian’s arms off of her as she snuck out of bed. It was Thursday, one more day until the appointment with the OBGYN. She could tell how anxious her wife was getting to make sure the baby was okay, and to tell everyone about it if so. Erin figured some pancakes might at least start this last day of waiting off with a good start. 

 

Holtz woke up 20 minutes later to the smell of pancakes frying, and maple syrup warming on the stove. She smiled into the pillow, before rolling out of bed and padding softly into the kitchen. She wrapped her arms around Erin from behind, pressing a kiss into the side of her neck as Erin tended to the pancakes. “This all for me?” she murmured. 

 

“Well I don’t see any other pretty ladies in here,” Erin replied with a smile.

 

“I see one,” Holtz mumbled into Erin’s neck. “She did knock me up though.”

 

“Thats not how that works.”

 

“Yes it is.”

 

They came to a comfortable silence over breakfast at the kitchen table, which Holtz gave several sinful moans over, causing Erin to grow a little too sweaty for this hour of the morning. Finally, Holtz put her fork down and folded her hands with a serious look on her face. 

 

“So tomorrow’s the day.”

 

“Yes it is.”

 

“Does Abby have any idea so far?”

 

“Not a clue. What about Patty?”

 

“I managed to throw her off track. I think we’re good.”

 

“Good.” Erin pursed her lips, nervous about saying the wrong thing. “Is it bad to say that I’m really nervous for tomorrow? I mean, I know you’re the one who should be nervous, seeing as its…”

 

“What?” Holtz frowned. “Why shouldn’t you be nervous too?”

 

Erin paused, rethinking her sentence. “Nevermind. It’s nothing, Jill.” She took both of their plates over to the sink and began scrubbing them.

 

Holtz remained seated at the table, not about to let Erin’s comment go. “Babe, why shouldn’t you be nervous?” she called over, staring at the tablecloth in concentration. “I mean, it’s your kid too.”

 

A plate clattered into the sink a little too loud. Silence. Holtz’s eyes widened in understanding. She stood up and walked over to the sink, placing a hand on her wife’s shoulder. “Erin,” she whispered. “You don’t think it’s not your kid as much as it is mine, do you?” 

 

Erin didn’t respond, but her shoulders shook with the weight of telling tears streaming down her face. Holtz’s heart broke as she turned Erin around and wrapped her in her arms. “Now you listen here,” Holtz’s voice was shaky, yet hard as steel. “Don’t you dare think that DNA means anything more than proteins and nucleic acids, okay?” She took Erin’s damp face in her calloused hands tenderly. “You are more this child’s parent than any faceless donor ever would be. You are just as much its mother as I ever will be. You understand that?”

 

Erin nodded, wiping the tears off her face with both hands. “Yes, I know Jilly, I’m sorry, its so stupid…”

Holtz shook her head, and pressed both hands down on Erin’s shoulders until her confused wife was on her knees. She took Erin’s hand and placed it on her belly. “Say hi,” Holtz ordered.

 

“I-what?” Erin asked, unsure of what to do.

 

“Say hi to the baby,” Holtz gestured to her stomach. 

 

Erin stared at Jillian’s stomach, gulping before quietly muttering: “Um, hello there- baby. Person.”

 

“Now tell them who you are,” Holtz whispered.

 

Erin continued talking to Jillian’s stomach, feeling very strange as she did so. “I’m, uh, I’m Erin Gilbert, Doctor of-“

 

“Nope,” Holtz cut her off. “Try again.”

 

Erin took a deep breath, before opening her eyes again. “I’m your mother,” she whispered, rubbing her wife’s stomach as she did so. “I’m your mommy.” 

 

 

\---

 

The Ghostbusters were kept busy all morning with a bust at the local library. Afterwards, as Abby talked to the librarians about payment, and Patty perused the shelves for some new historical novels, Holtz had to drag Erin away from the 23rd pregnancy book she was considering checking out. 

 

“Babe, I don’t think they’ll let you take anymore until you return the other ones,” Holtz whispered as Erin pouted, placing the book back on the shelf before Patty saw. 

 

Abby decided to call Kevin and ask him to pick up lunch while they packed up the car. It was a good thing too, because the women were about ready to collapse from the tiresome bust, which had taken almost three hours total. Erin had been worried about Holtz being on her feet so long, but the blonde insisted she was fine, just hungry. 

 

When they got back to the Firehouse, Erin loudly insisted that unpacking the car could wait until after lunch, which was met with three tired noises of agreement. “I’ll do it myself later,” she whispered to Holtz, who smiled gratefully at not having to carry the heavy equipment.

 

The busters had barely collapsed on the couch upstairs when Kevin came waltzing in, arms full of Chinese food. “Hey guys!” He grinned. “Why are you all dressed up like that?”

 

“We were on a bust, Kevin, and I think you know that,” Abby muttered as they migrated to the kitchen table, slumping down in their seats. Her face softened after a moment: “Thank’s for picking up the food, Kev. We really appreciate it."

 

“Oh it’s no problem, you guys must be starving, after fighting fires all morning!” Kevin grinned, and the women silently agreed to let it slide. It was the closest guess he had had to their real occupation so far, and they did work in a Firehouse. 

 

Kevin worked his way around the table passing out food. “Let’s see, um, wonton soup for Abby-“ “Yesss.” “-Noodles for Patty, -“ “Thank’s baby.” “Beef and Broccoli for Erin-“ “Thank you, Kevin.” “And, we have pork fried rice and spring rolls, for Holtz and Kevin.” 

 

Holtz chuckled, as she gratefully accepted the containers of food, feeling ready to demolish them in under 5 minutes. “Kev, you really shouldn’t be talking about yourself in the 3rd person, we might think you’re possessed again,” she joked. 

 

Kevin sat down at the table with them, grabbing chopsticks and a container of rice. “Actually, it’d be the 6th person,” he replied as he struggled to open the container.

 

“What do you mean?” Abby mumbled through a mouthful of soup, as the rest of them tucked into their food with gusto. 

 

“Well,” Kevin replied matter of factly, “There’s five big people,” he pointed to each of the busters and himself with his chopsticks, “and one little person.” The table went silent as he pointed to Holtz’s stomach, and then continued struggling to pick at the rice with his chopsticks. “So that makes… carry the one… 6! 6 people, yeah.” 

 

He grinned at Holtz, whose face had gone pale, as Abby and Patty stared at her dumbfounded. She quietly muttered, “What are you talking about, Kevin?” 

 

His face brightened. “Oh yeah, boss, and I thought that ‘Kevin’ would be a great baby name! Works for a boy or girl!” He turned back to his rice. “You guys are real quiet, the food must be really good.”

 

Erin shook herself out of her state of shock, turning to her wife across the table. “Jill, why did you tell him?” She whispered frantically.

 

“I didn’t tell him, did you tell him?” Holtz hissed back.

 

“I didn’t tell him!” Erin insisted.

 

“Now wait just a second,” Abby declared, turning to Kevin, who was still having some serious trouble working those chopsticks. “Kevin, buddy, are you trying to tell us that, Holtzmann-“ she pointed to the blonde engineer with her face in her hands… “is pregnant? And I am one of the last to know about it?”

 

“What, you mean you guys can’t tell?” Kevin looked up confused. “She’s um, whats the word… radiating!”

 

Patty frowned, coming to her senses as well. “I think you mean, ‘glowing’?”

 

Kevin smiled. “Yeah, thats the one. My ex-boyfriend was an oboe back in Australia-“

 

“OBGYN.”

 

“Exactly. And I learned a lot about pregnant ladies from him. Like, I’d say that Holtzmann is about 6 weeks right now.” 

 

Erin blinked. “Kevin, that’s… incredible.” 

 

Patty shook her head, laughing. “I knew it! I knew something was up with you, girl!”

 

Holtz stood up suddenly, chair scraping back from the table as she jumped to her feet. “I gotta go," she muttered, storming out the door before anyone could react. 

 

“Jill, wait!” Erin called after her, shoulders slumping as the door slammed shut. “Kevin, how could you? We had one day left!” Tears filled Erin’s eyes as she ran out the door after her wife. 

 

Abby and Patty sat shellshocked at the table. Kevin pouted momentarily, before calling out after the women who were already gone: “The name ‘Kevin' is just a suggestion!"


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patty is the sensible one. Abby cares too much. Fluffy times and reconciliation are had all around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Make sure to leave your comments, I'm always a slut for feedback

“I just can’t believe they wouldn’t tell us something like this.”

 

Abby had been pacing the Firehouse for the rest of the afternoon, ever since Holtz and Erin went home early. Patty was trying to still get some work done at her desk, but she found the physicist’s angry mumbling under her breath to be a bit distracting. 

“Abby, I told you we weren’t gonna talk about this right now.” The historian flipped another sheet of post-bust paperwork onto the ‘finished' pile. “So you may as well come help a sister out with this garbage, I ain’t no secretary.”

 

“Yeah, you sent our secretary home,” Abby muttered, sitting down and grabbing a stack of papers. “Still don’t see why that was necessary.”

 

“Because, we aren’t going on any more busts today without those two, and it’s not like he knows how to fill this stuff out correctly anyway.” Patty punctuated her sentence a little too firmly, cursing when the pen went through the paper. 

 

“Well apparently, he knows how to tell when certain engineers are pregnant, and how to NOT tell us about it.” Abby scribbled their initials angrily onto her forms. 

 

Patty put her pen down on the desk and crossed her arms. “Abby, girl,  you need to take a step back here. This is not something you get to be mad about, okay?”

 

“No, not okay!” Abby threw her hands up in the air, shooting Patty a pleading look. “I mean, are we not friends anymore? I’ve known Erin longer than anybody, and Holtz too! Why wouldn’t they trust us enough to tell us they were doing this?” Abby sighed, frustration finally breaking through to hurt. 

 

“Abby,” Patty placed a hand over the physicist’s. “Did it ever occur to you they didn’t want to get our hopes up?”

 

Abby frowned. “What do you mean?”

 

Patty leaned back in her chair. “When my sister was trying to get pregnant, there were a lot of complications. Sometimes theres a false positive, or no heartbeat. That shit ain’t easy to get through.” She leaned back across the table. “Now imagine telling your best friends y’all are gonna have a baby, and then you get back from the doctor’s two days later, and have to say ‘nevermind’? If Holtzy’s only at six weeks, they probably ain’t even had the first appointment yet.”

 

Abby ran a hand through her hair, significantly quieter than she was a minute ago. “Well don’t I feel like an asshole.”

 

Patty nodded. “And I’m sure Kevin didn’t mean to out them like that. It ain’t his fault he’s some freaky baby guru, apparently.” 

 

“How can we make this up to them?” Abby worried, pacing around the room. “I mean Holtz is probably all scared and upset that something’s gonna happen, she’s never been good with emotions, and now she’s got hormones on top of all of that. Oh God, Erin’s head is gonna explode, she couldn’t even keep the chicken egg alive in home economics-“ 

 

“Hey hey hey,” Patty stopped her in her tracks. “We’re gonna be there for them, but only when they’re ready, okay? In the meantime, they probably just want to feel normal right now, and forget about all this stress. What usually takes Holtzy’s mind off of stuff?” 

 

Abby’s eyes brightened. “I know what we gotta do.”

 

—

 

Holtz hadn’t said much since the couple had come home. She sat curled up on the couch, drawing mustaches on all the women in Erin’s pregnancy books in sharpie. Erin wisely chose not to mention that they were only rentals. 

They didn’t have much to say. They knew their friends knew about the pregnancy now, and that if things didn’t go well tomorrow, they would have another painful conversation to go through on top of everything else. Erin felt like saying something to Holtz, but she was afraid of getting the woman more worked up than she already was. So for the time being, she left Holtz to her vandalism of library property, silently bringing her a blanket and a cup of hot cocoa when the sun went down. 

Erin had just finished stress cleaning ever inch of their kitchen when there was a knock on the door. Holtz looked up from her doodles as Erin opened it the door. 

There was Patty, holding several grocery bags, and Abby, with a box in her arms. “Oh, hey guys,” Erin stuttered. “Sorry, we should’ve called…”

 

“You guys did nothing wrong,” Abby cut her off firmly. “I’m sorry I didn’t understand before, but this is between you and Holtz before anyone else, and you had every right to tell us on your own terms.” Abby paused, before gently prodding: “Can I talk to Holtz?”

 

Erin smiled. “Of course, come in you guys.” Abby sidled past her into the living room. 

 Patty paused to give Erin a crushing hug. “Whatever you girls need, just ask, okay? We’re here for you no matter what happens tomorrow.” Erin pulled back from the hug, wiping away a stray tear. “Thanks Patty, that means a lot.” She helped Patty bring the bags she was carrying into the kitchen .

 

Meanwhile, Abby sat down next to Holtz on the couch, who had curled into a defensive ball as she stared at her first friend warily. “Hey Holtzy, I’m sorry if I uh, scared you off earlier.” Abby tested the waters, getting nothing but a shrug from the blonde cocoon of blankets. “I guess this means you’re kinda 'possessed' now?” Abby tried humor, which fell flat. She dropped her shoulders. “I get that you’re mad at me, thats fine. And if you don’t want to talk about it, the being pregnant thing, that’s fine too. We don’t have to talk about it.” Abby mimed zipping her lips, as Holtz seemed to relax a little, capping the sharpie and releasing erin’s book to the coffee table. “No talking about anything in your body, that is- that is totally fine by me.” 

Holtz gave a small chuckle. Encouraged, Abby’s mouth twitched as she reached behind her back. “But I did think that, maybe, you might want to talk about a dastardly plot to steal millions of dollars from a certain Japanese corporation!” She whipped out the DVD’s she had been hiding, prompting Holtz’s mouth to drop open. 

 

“Shut up, YEEAHH!” She shrieked, scrambling up and snatching the movies out of Abby’s hands. “Diehard Marathon? Right now?”

 

“Yep,” Abby grinned. “I know how much you loved watching them as a kid-“

 

“My cousin Jake showed me, awesome movies-“

 

“So I thought we could all just hang out, and watch them together? Patty and I brought a bunch of snacks-“

 

“Tell me you brought Totinos.”

 

“Oh I think you know I did.”

 

“BABE, GET IN HERE, WE’RE WATCHING DIEHARD!”

 

Erin and Patty sat down on the couch, Erin handing Holtz a tube of Pringles as she snuggled up against their best friends. Holtz and Abby booed loudly whenever Hans Gruber came onscreen, and Patty passed some ruthless judgement on John McClain’s marriage. She couldn’t help but smile at the scene before her, at the family they’d built. 

And they would be there for them, no matter what. 

 

—

 

“Oh God, I think I’m gonna explode. I can’t wait any longer. Why is it taking so freaking long, Holtz’s vagina cannot be that complicated.”

 

“Girl, I’m gonna pretend you didn’t just talk about our married friend’s lady bits. Now shut up, they’ll be out here soon.”

 

Abby was pacing nervously in the doctor’s waiting room. Patty was tapping her fingernails against the coffee table. They were trying and failing to act calm for their friends when they came out with the news, but it was all just too intense. 

 

“Girl, dammit, stop pacing! Oh my God, here they come, shh-“ 

 

Holtz and Erin came walking out of the office, shaking the doctor’s hand before turning to their friends’ expectant faces. The couple shared a brief look, and then Holtz took a deep breath. She opened her mouth as if to speak, but at the last second, Erin cut her off with a shriek that couldn’t be held in any longer: 

 

“WE’RE HAVING A BABY!!” 

 

Patty and Abby screamed, running to crush Erin and Holtz in a giant group hug. The four bounced up and down, crying and shouting, until Erin practically beat them off of Holtz for hugging too hard. As the four wiped tears from their eyes, they ignored the looks of disapproval from onlookers, taking the moment to revel in the excitement of a new member joining their team. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you believe that I have no self control yet? 
> 
> Welp, follow me @queerbioengineer on tumblr, because I have nothing better to do with my life than write angsty-fluffy pieces like this, all day every day.
> 
> Luv u babies <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so, the thought for this chapter came to me in a fever dream, and also I have the mind of a 15 year old boy.

The past few weeks at the firehouse had been almost business as usual.

Sure, Holtz caught her friends looking up baby names when they were supposed to be working, and sure, Erin asked her if she needed anything every 2 minutes. But Holtz was just happy that things were okay, and allowed herself to feel normal again after so much worrying. 

The day after the appointment, she had insisted to the others she was fine to carry on with Ghost-busting as usual when Patty and Abby voiced their concerns. 

 

“I mean, look you guys, you can barely even tell I’m preggo,” she had gestured vaguely to her abdomen while sitting upside down in her seat at the kitchen table. 

 

“Got that right,” Patty mumbled into her morning newspaper, followed by something about “stupid skinny white girl.” 

 

“Well, I trust you, Jilly.” Erin smiled up from her cup of coffee. “You know your body, and we can talk about busting as time goes on.” 

 

“Ha, see?” Jillian pointed at Patty. “Erin thinks I know things.” 

 

She jumped up out of her seat. “Trust me Pats. Now I don’t just have the strength of a grown woman. I have the strength of a grown woman, and a tiny baby.” She patted her belly, before running over to the fireman’s pole. “I’ll be in the garaaage,” she called as she slid down. 

 

Abby turned to Erin from her perch at the kitchen counter with a smug grin. “So, just how long are you going to be able to keep up this whole ‘go with the flow’ charade?”

 

Erin let her head fall to the table with a tired groan. “I have three binders full of planning, appointments, and schedules that I’m hiding in my underwear drawer. I’m hoping if I read them while she sleeps, she’ll think they're her ideas.” 

 

Patty flipped her newspaper. “Yeah, she knows about them, boo.”

 

Erin looked up, exasperated. “What?!”

 

“You really think she doesn’t go through your underwear drawer?”

 

Erin’s head fell back to the table. “I’m gonna die.”

 

—

 

Despite Erin’s complaints, the next several weeks passed without incident. New York fell into a cold and rainy haze, which certainly beat the typical mid-August heat. Erin and Holtz spent their free time indoors, cuddled up with blankets and board games. Busting went on as usual, although they all came back soaked from downpours as well as ectoplasm. New York covered itself in rain gear and sweaters, enjoying the brief respite from one of the hottest summers yet. 

 

After three weeks of non-stop downpours, the sun came back with relentless tenacity, and with it came yet another massive heat wave. Unfortunately for the Gilbert-Holtzmann household, Holtz had attempted to “upgrade” their AC unit, and ended up spending most of that sweltering evening trying to fix it. When she finally came crawling into bed, it was 2 AM, and her baby-brain was trying to pull one over on her genius-brain by telling her to cry about how tired she was. And also to get pizza. 

Luckily, Erin was surprisingly in tune with her wife’s emotions, telling her she could sleep in tomorrow as late as she wanted and come into work when she wanted. 

“You’re the best ever. Like just the best anything, ever.” Holtz mumbled into her pillow. 

Erin smiled, and kissed her goodnight. 

 

—

 

Holtz woke up around 11:00 am the next day. She flopped her arms off to the side, whining when she didn’t feel a hot redhead in bed with her. Grumbling, she sat up in bed, yawning and stretching like a cat. Well, she thought, at least it’s summer again. She had been mooching off of Erin’s vast sweater collection during the odd August cold spell, and those things were u-g-l-y. 

 

“Al Gore was right,” she sang to the empty apartment as she pulled on a pair of cargo shorts and a crop top. “This ship is goin’ down.”

 

She pulled her hair into her typical updo as she pondered the feasibility of building something that could manually remove greenhouse gases from the air. 

“Gotta keep this place afloat for you, huh pal?” She patted her stomach. “Now how about we get some breakfast, on me.” She slipped on her favorite yellow-lensed sunglasses and waltzed out the door. 

 

After demolishing a pastry and cup of decaf at the bakery next door, Holtz set out on a beautiful late walk in to work. Blue skies, not a cloud in site. Everyone on the street seemed to be in a good mood at the sunshine, and Holtz was infected by it, finding herself humming as she strolled.

 

“Hey Pats,” she called out as she strolled through the quiet first floor plopping herself down on the historian’s desk. “Sorry I’m late, I had a late night.”

 

Patty glanced up at her small friend for a moment, then seemed to do a double take. Holtz furrowed her eyebrows as the corner of Patty’s mouth twitched. “Yeah, I bet you did,” she replied- smugly. Was that smugly?

 

“What do you mean?” Holtz frowned as she turned one of Patty’s colored pens between her fingers. 

 

“Nothin.” Patty grinned. “You um..” the historian was visibly holding back laughter now. “You seem upset. Is there something you want to get off your chest?” She stifled a snort. 

 

Holtz was irritated, despite herself. She was still tired, and she didn’t need people laughing at her today, and dammit if she wasn’t going to let her fuse be a little shorter than normal.

“Nothing, I’m going upstairs.” She tossed herself out of the chair and stomped angrily over to the staircase. This somehow prompted another fit of giggles from Patty, causing Holtz to run back, upturn a mug of pens on Patty’s desk, and sprint back upstairs in a great display of maturity. “Hey!” the historian called out half-heartedly as the tiny, hot-headed engineer disappeared up the stairwell to the 2nd floor.

 

Holtz felt a little better when she saw Erin scribbling away on her whiteboard. The redhead was also outfitted appropriately for the sweltering day, in high waisted shorts and an old band t-shirt, the cutie. She rapped her knuckles on Erin’s desk to signal her arrival. “Hiya, sweet cheeks," she grinned.

 

Erin spun around, giggling at the nickname. “Hey babe, how’d you-“ her eyes widened and she seemed to choke on her sentence. 

Holtz spun around looking for a specter or armed robber or something behind her. “What, what is it?” She asked, bewildered. 

Erin continued to stare at Holtzmann, maintaining almost creepy eye contact. “Nothing, Jill. Nothing is-everything is fine. Mhm.” The physicist tucked her hair behind her ears and fiddled with the hem of her t-shirt. “How uh, how did you sleep.”

 

Holtz’s eyes narrowed, as she crossed her arms. “Fine. Why are you acting weird?” 

 

Erin stuttered: “I’m, I’m not, acting weird. You are. Um, what I mean is, are you feeling okay?”

 

Holtz let out a huff. “Fine, everyone wants to just be weird today, that’s totally fine.” She stormed over to her lab bench, grabbing her trusty wrench and stalking over to the containment unit. “Meanwhile, I’m going to be over here, doing some actual WORK, on this PKE filter.” Within a minute, the engineer was hunched over angrily, producing a series of loud crashes and bangs from her work that brought Abby running upstairs. 

 

“Holtz, what the hell are you- oh geez.” Abby put her hands on her hips and sighed as the engineer spun around to face her friend. 

 

“What, what is it?” Holtz insisted. “Is there something on my face? Did I grow another head? Why the hell is everyone looking at me so weird today?” She slammed her toolbox down on the bench, seething. 

 

“Well, it’s just-“ Abby looked around to make sure noone was listening in. She was pretty sure Erin wasn’t actually doing any work over in the corner, but whatever. She leaned over closer to Holtz and muttered out of the corner of her mouth. “You didn’t a bra today.” 

 

Holtz blinked, not quite understanding. “Yeah, so what? I hardly ever do. Besides, they’ve been pinching me lately.” She glared at her friend, as if waiting for the real reason. 

 

“Yeah, there’s a reason for that!” Abby whispered furiously. “You seriously haven’t noticed?” Blank stare from Holtz. Abby groaned. “Dude, your tits are like twice as big now. You look like you’re on your way to Mardi Gras.” 

 

Holtz looked down on her chest. “Whaaat? They’re not that-“ she brought a hand up to one of her breasts, and her eyes widened. “-whoa.” She brought the other hand up, and she choked on air. “What the fuck?” She immediately crossed her arms over her chest. “How did I not notice this happening? I walked to work like this!” She hissed at Abby. 

 

Abby shrugged, trying not to giggle at Holtz’s predicament. “You didn’t notice when I dyed my hair pink for a week, so let’s just say you’re not the most observant person I know.” 

 

Holtz frowned, wishing she had a slightly more substantial shirt on right about now. “How did Erin not notice? She hasn’t said a thing.”

 

Abby glanced over at the physicist in the corner. “Oh I think she noticed.”

 

Holtz looked over at the redhead. “No, she would’ve said something.”

 

“Holtz, she’s been writing the same equation over and over for the past ten minutes.”

 

Holtz squinted at the whiteboard. Abby was right. “Abs, go downstairs, I’m going to have a word with my darling wife.”

 

“Hoo boy.” Abby scuttled downstairs in record time.

 

Holtz sauntered over to Erin’s desk, resting on her elbows as she leaned across to poke at the physicist who was stubbornly not looking at her. “Eerrrinnn?” 

 

Erin turned to Holtz with a forced blank look on her face. “Yes, Jill?” she said evenly. 

 

Holtz raised her eyebrows. “Why didn’t you mention my boobs getting bigger?”

 

Erin avoided eye contact, wiping a hand across her very sweaty forehead. “I figured you had noticed. Its um- its normal, around 2 months.”

 

Holtz stared at her. “So you knew this was going to happen.”

 

Erin swallowed thickly. “Yes.” Holtz could swear she saw a glimpse of something guilty in Erin’s eyes. 

 

The engineer felt a wicked grin growing on her face, as she slid herself across the desk to stand in front of Erin’s chair. “And you didn’t think to tell me?” 

 

Erin fumbled the papers in her hands. “No I did not.”

 

Holtz slid her leg over both of Erin’s, so that she was sitting in the taller woman’s lap. She hooked her hands around Erin’s shoulders lazily, feeling the heat radiate off of the redhead’s skin. “And why was that?” She asked. 

 

Erin was ridiculously sweaty now. “No reason.”

 

“You sure?” Holtz tucked a stray strand of hair behind Erin’s ear. “So it had nothing to do with you enjoying seeing me like this?” 

 

“That’s ridiculous,” Erin choked. 

 

Holtz smirked. “Then why aren’t you looking at my eyes?”

 

“I am!” She was not. 

 

Holtz leaned in closer to Erin’s neck, rolling her hips as she came to breath in her ear: “do you see something you like?” 

 

Erin whimpered, eyes fluttering. “Yes, Jill.” 

 

Holtz brushed her lips against Erin’s neck, trailing them closer and closer to the redhead’s lips as she felt Erin’s hands slowly inching up the sides of her abdomen. When her mouth was just barely pressed against Erin’s lips, and Erin's hands had stilled just at the bottom of Holtz’s ribcage, the wicked grin returned to Holtz’s face as she whispered in Erin’s mouth: 

 

“Maybe when we get home.”

 

She hopped off of Erin’s lap and skipped over to her workstation, putting a little extra bounce in her step as she did. 

 

Erin sat there, mouth opening and closing like a goldfish, until her brain caught up with her body. She slumped lower and lower in her chair, groaning as she watched the evil little engineer dancing across the room. 

 

“Yup, I’m definitely gonna die."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for reading, and I'm a slut for comments.
> 
> You can follow me @queerbioengineer on tumblr for more Holtzbert drabbles.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being pregnant does not stop Holtz from being herself.

She was a little more than three months pregnant when Holtz first noticed it. 

 

"Sweetie? We’re gonna be late,” Erin called, finishing up her morning routine in the bathroom and speed walking back into the bedroom. “We really can’t miss this meeting with the mayor-“ 

 

She paused. Holtz wasn’t even dressed, just sitting on the bed cross-legged in a tank top and boxer shorts. She had both hands on her stomach, and an odd look on her face. The switch in Erin’s brain immediately flicked over to hyper protective mode. 

 

“What’s wrong, is something wrong, do we need to go to the doctors, are you going into labor?” she said in the same breath.

 

Holtz looked up at her incredulously. “Even I know its too soon for that. No, I’m fine, just-here…” she ran her hands over the slight curve between her hips. “You feel that?”

 

Erin copied Holtz’s movements with her own hand, face breaking out into a wide grin. “Oh my God,” she breathed. “Is that-“

 

“It’s a bump,” Holtz said gleefully. “I have a bump! That’s our baby in there, it’s right there!” She pointed at her stomach in excitement. “Oh my God, I just-“ Holtz covered her mouth, still grinning stupidly. “I knew it was in there, but now its… now its real.” 

 

“I know,” Erin beamed. “I still can’t believe it sometimes, but there it is.” She leaned over to press a kiss to Holtz’s belly. “Hi baby,” she cooed. 

 

“Aww,” Holtz said softly. “Look at you go, you sexy Mama.” 

 

Erin swatted her lightly on the arm.  “Jill, don’t ruin it.” 

 

“But thats my job!” Holtz shifted in her perch, suddenly looking nervous. “So um, I was thinking that maybe… I don’t know if there’s stuff we should be doing? To get ready? Or like…” she petered out, picking at her fingernails.

 

Erin resisted the urge to run to her binders in joy that Holtz had finally said something. “Well I have some ideas…” she noticed Holtz’s shift in mood, and decided not to go all out just yet. “But maybe we can just start with taking one class, yeah?”

 

Holtz nodded, satisfied with that answer. “Yeah, okay,” giving Erin a soft smile. “You can go grab your binders now.”

 

“Yess!” Erin pumped her fists in victory. Whatta nerd, Holtz thought endearingly.  “But after the meeting with the mayor, okay?” Erin quickly swung back into morning mode, gathering some suitable clothes for Holtz to wear and tossing them at her gently as she went to the kitchen to put on coffee.  

 

Holtz scrunched up her face in distaste. “Fine. But if I have to puke while we’re there, I’m aiming for Lynch’s shoes.”

 

“Holtz, don’t you dare.”

 

She did. 

 

—

 

In the end, Holtz agreed to attend a prenatal yoga class. But only after Erin reminded her that they would be in a hot room full of women in yoga pants. (After all, they were married, not dead). 

 

Erin was relieved that they didn’t get kicked out after the first session, although it wasn’t for Holtz’s lack of trying. As it turned out, Holtz did not socialize well with other pregnant ladies. 

 

“So where’s the father?” One woman with a typical ‘mom’ haircut asked Holtz during a water break. Erin winced and was about to speak up when Holtz responded with far too much enthusiasm. 

 

“Oh there’s no father, this right here was one of those immaculate conceptions” she smiled, before looking around furtively, and whispering to the woman: “but I do have reason to believe I’m harboring the 'other one,' if you catch my drift.” She stared at the woman intensely with a serious look on her face. “The devil can be veeery persuasive."

 

The woman blinked, before tittering nervously and backing away towards her husband, holding her own rounded stomach protectively. “Jillian!” Erin hissed, “Stop telling people you’re pregnant with the antichrist!” “Wait, wait Erin, she’s still looking, should I roll my eyes back in my head?” “NO.”

 

Despite many such interactions, they were encouraged by the yoga instructor to come back next week, as she shook both of their hands at the end of the class. “It’s very good publicity, you know, having the Ghostbusters here, at MY studio of all places!” she commented excitedly. 

 

Erin thought about what the instructor said as they left the studio and headed to the car. “Jill, I hadn’t even thought about the publicity,” she mentioned. “Do you think the press will say anything about us being parents?”

 

Holtz considered this, swinging their held hands back and forth as they walked. “I mean, probably. They had a field day with our wedding, remember?” She snickered. “Every one of them thought they were the first to come with ‘the Gaybusters’ as a headline.” 

 

Erin was still quiet, so Holtz nudged her, giving her a reassuring smile. “Hey. They’re gonna find out eventually, right? So why not tell everyone on our own terms? That way, we get to control it.”

 

Erin perked up. “You mean like a pregnancy announcement?”

 

Holtz nodded. “Yup. Talkin’ bout section 13 subsection c of binder numero dos.”

 

Erin’s face turned beet red. “Wow, you… really do go through my underwear drawer looking for my hiding spots.”

 

Holtz snorted. “Not gonna lie, I wasn’t even thinking about finding hidden stuff.”

 

“Holtz!” Erin blushed harder. “We’re in public!”

 

“Eh, you love it.”

 

—

 

As it turned out, deciding on a way to make the announcement was harder than they thought. 

 Erin suggested doing a photoshoot, but Holtz insisted that she could never pull it off like Beyonce, earning a “damn straight” from Patty. 

Abby suggested a more Ron Swanson-esque approach, like just posting the words “I’m pregnant” on Facebook, but Erin thought it was “too boring” or whatever. 

Kevin suggested they order Italian food that night, because he had no idea what anyone was talking about. 

 

While the others chuckled at his antics, Holtz’s eyes lit up, and she ran into the Firehouse kitchen. “I’ve got it you guys!” Mildly confused, the others kept scrounging the internet for ideas. 

Several minutes later, Holtz came cackling back into the living room without a shirt on (thankfully wearing a bra this time). She plopped herself down on the couch with her head in Erin’s lap, telling everyone to check the Ghostbusters Instagram account. 

 

Patty was the first to get it open, and she burst out laughing, tossing the phone over to Erin and clapping her hands in approval. Erin raised an eyebrow at her wife as she looked at the picture that had just been posted. 

 

Holtz has taken a shirtless selfie sitting cross-legged on the kitchen counter. She had an open jar of Prego tomato sauce right in front of her bare belly, and she was licking the sauce off the cap with her other hand. She had captioned it simply “You are what you eat.” The photo was already being liked left and right, so she supposed their secret was finally out. 

 

“So what do you think?” Holtz smirked up at Erin, who was trying her best not to look too amused. 

 

“It’s very you,” Erin finally relented with a giggle. She leaned down to give Holtz a sweet kiss, sighing happily before furrowing her eyebrows. 

 

“What did you do with the rest of that sauce?”

 

“Babe, don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to.” 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An incident occurs. Erin has to deal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: STRONG ANGST AHEAD
> 
> Don't ask me why I did this, I promise it turns out alright.
> 
> I'll make it up to you. Love you guys.

 

The very next day after the pregnancy announcement, the Ghostbusters received a call for a bust, and it was a big one. 

 

The public library was infested with not one, not two, but eight class IV spirits. Even before Holtz pulled the Ecto-1 up to the curb, the four women could hear thunderous wailing and crashing noises coming from inside, which filled the ghostbusters with dread. 

 

“Alright guys, lets suit up,” Abby called, getting sounds of agreement from Erin and Patty. Holtz, on the other hand was quiet. Erin noticed the blonde wince as she heaved her pack onto her shoulders, and was struck with a chord of worry. She quickly pulled her away from Abby and Patty, speaking in a low tone of voice: “Are you sure you’re okay to do this? If you want to sit out-“

 

“I’ll be fine,” Holtz cut her off, her face looking strained, but determined. “You guys need me, okay? There’s too many of them.” 

 

Erin wasn’t convinced. “Jill, I don’t like you doing this right now-“ 

 

“Well you don’t have to like it, Erin,” Holtz said a little louder, drawing a glance from Abby and Patty and a wince from Erin. “I’m not an invalid, I just-“ she ran a gloved hand through her hair. “I’m not going to let you guys go in there without me. This is more than you can handle.” She gave Erin a steely look. “I can do this.”

 

Erin hated herself for realizing Holtz was right, kicking herself for allowing this to happen despite her better judgment. “If you even think something is wrong...” she warned the engineer.

 

“I’ll stand down,” Holtz affirmed, touching Erin’s arm to relieve some of the tension. “Now come on, baby momma. We have some ghosties to bust.” 

 

Erin nodded. “Lets go.”

 

—

It was one of their hardest busts to date, taking a whopping four hours to wrangle the last of the ghosts into containers and vaporize whatever wouldn’t cooperate. By the end of it, every one of the busters was soaked in sweat and aching everywhere. 

 

Holtz, however, had been looking pale since hour two, and currently looked downright ghostly. Erin had screamed at her many times to go back to the car, only to be tossed into a wall by one of the spirits and need her wife to rescue her. The green creatures had chased the busters around every inch of the library, up every floor, and dangled them from every balcony. Erin knew if they had been short a member, one of them could have gotten seriously injured.

 

That fact did nothing to soothe her mind now, however, as Holtz stumbled once, then twice, then fell to her knees as the busters made their way to the door, catching herself on her friends' arms. “Jill!” “Holtzy!” “Oh God, Jill, what’s wrong?” 

 

Erin fell to her knees in front of Holtz, cradling her pale face in her hands as she tried to examine Holtz’s eyes. “Jill, Jillian, talk to me sweetie, are you okay?” Erin’s heart was skipping beats left and right, cold panic seeping into her veins, the words screaming in her mind alternating between her wife, her baby, her wife, her baby…

 

“Mm okay,” Holtz slurred, blinking as she tried to straighten up. “Just- whoa. Dizzy. Very dizzy.” 

 

“It’s okay baby, just sit down.” Patty gently stopped the tiny blonde from trying to get up, while Abby pulled a water bottle out of her pack, holding it up for Holtz to sip. Erin unzipped Holtz’s jumpsuit, checking her abdomen for any signs of trauma, and then doing the same to her skull. She breathed a half a sigh of relief. She hadn’t been hit or thrown, and was most likely suffering from overexertion. Still dangerous, but less immediate. 

 

“You know, if you wanna get me naked, you only have to ask,” Holtz croaked out, eyes coming a little more into focus. Erin felt her eyes blurring with tears, which dripped onto Holtz’s jumpsuit. “Okay, um-“ Erin sniffed, attempting to compose herself. “Lets just, get you home, and then I’ll, um, call the doctor, have him see you- today, right away.” She wiped her eyes. “Right, okay. Here, lean on me Jilly.” 

 

Holtz was mostly okay to stand, having obtained full consciousness, but feeling incredibly weak in the knees. She leaned on Erin for support while they walked as Patty and Abby carried all four packs out to the car. 

 

Patty and Abby started loading the packs into the car, and Erin had just helped get Holtz seated comfortably in the back when the group of reporters being held back from the library entrance by police lines were finally allowed through, and began bombarding Erin with questions that she really didn’t want to hear right now. 

 

“Is it true you and Dr. Holtzmann are expecting?” “Dr. Gilbert, were you yourself unable to have children?” “Is one of you going to stay home and quit the Ghostbusters?"

 

Erin grit her teeth and closed the car door, staunchly ignoring them. Until the questions got worse. Much worse. 

 

“Dr. Gilbert, some have said Dr. Holtzmann is ‘too reckless’ to carry a child. Thoughts?” “Dr. Gilbert, was Dr. Holtzmann injured on today’s bust, and do you think it will affect your unborn child?” “Do the Ghostbusters endorse putting pregnant women in harms way?”

 

At the last question, Erin found herself blacking out. She became aware of her surroundings again in the back of the Ecto-1 with Jillian, while Patty was pulling into the Firehouse garage. Abby leaned back to look at her best friend examining her newly bruised knuckles. 

 

“In case you were wondering, yes, you did just punch another reporter in the face.” She smiled at Erin, holding up her own, similarly bruised hand. “But so did I.” 

 

—

 

Jennifer Lynch arrived at the Firehouse not five minutes later. She marched right in, heels clacking furiously over to Erin’s desk, onto which she slapped a picture. “Dr. Gilbert, can you explain this to me?” She crossed her arms over her neatly buttoned blouse, tapping her shoe impatiently. 

 

Erin had been sitting there stoically, not touching or saying a thing since they arrived home. Patty had gone to the bathroom with Holtz to help her change into something she could wear to the doctor’s. Erin remained in her jumpsuit, ectoplasm in all. Barely moving her head, she glanced down at the picture of Holtz, a printout of the Instagram post the blonde had made the previous day. 

 

“You know, most people just say ‘congratulations.’” 

 

Jennifer glared at Erin. “You didn’t think to inform the MAYOR’s office of this little announcement before going public?”

 

“Why Ms. Lynch,” Erin replied dryly, with cold eyes. “I didn’t realize we were that close.”

 

“Laugh all you want Dr. Gilbert,” Jennifer scowled. “But after the PR disaster that was your most recent bust, I’m already being flooded with calls. Do you realize we could have a lawsuit on our hands?” 

 

“No, do tell.” Erin put a hand to her cheek, tone still dangerously too cavalier. 

 

Jennifer didn’t notice. “People want to know why the GOVERNMENT is okay with allowing a pregnant woman remain in such a dangerous line of work. Saying its inexcusable. And I am not about to let that soil our next campaign, so Dr. Holtzmann better not go anywhere near another bust for the remainder of her pregnancy, or else you can consider the funding for this entire operation frozen. Do you understand me?” The haughty woman looked down at Erin expectantly. 

 

Erin stood up slowly. “Oh I understand you perfectly.” She met Jennifer’s gaze as she paced slowly over to the front side of her desk. “Now you have to understand something from me.”

 

The prim mayor’s assistant faltered. “Alright…” 

 

Erin took a step closer, hissing her words directly into Jennifer’s face. “I’m responsible for what happened today, and I don’t need you or any damn reporter to bring that into question. And if my wife hears a word of any of your political bullshit about today, I will personally have your head on a platter, Lynch.” She practically spat the assistant’s name, her anger seeping into every frighteningly quiet word. “Now I’m going to go take her to the doctors. And if anything is wrong, anything at all, I’m going to need someone to take my… feelings out on. And you just made my fucking list.” Erin shoved the photograph into the woman’s chest, causing her to stumble back. “Now get. Out.”

 

Having gone pale under Erin’s steely gaze, Jennifer walked quickly out the door and didn’t look back.

 

—

 

“Erin, you haven’t said a word to me all night.”

 

Holtz let the insecurity slip out from her tongue, as she sat in a tiny ball on their couch, hugging a pillow to her chest. Erin was sitting at the small desk they kept at home, dutifully filling out the post-bust paperwork she had snatched right out of Abby’s hands. 

 

Holtz whimpered into the pillow as Erin said nothing in return. She felt her eyes burning, tears she wanted to shed. But she couldn’t, not now. Erin was mad at her. And for good reason too. She had surpassed new levels of recklessness today. It was fine when it was just her life she risked, but she couldn’t do that anymore. 

 

Holtz felt the spiral coming on, but she couldn’t let herself sink into it, not yet. She had to get Erin to talk to her, to say anything. To tell her she wouldn’t leave. To tell her she still loved her, even though she had put their baby at risk. 

Unforgivable, the voice in her head hissed, and she choked back a sob. No, not yet. Erin, go to Erin. 

Holding her pillow for safety, she padded over to the desk warily. Erin still hadn’t looked up. She had been mechanically filling out paperwork for the last 2 hours without pause, barely acknowledging Holtz’s presence right next to her.

 

“Erin?” Nothing. “Erin, the doctor said the baby was fine.” Still nothing. “Erin, nothing bad happened.” The redhead flipped another page. 

Holtz sighed, feeling the tears building up. “Erin, I… I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have gone in there. I’m sorry, I was so reckless…”

Erin mumbled something. Holtz’s ears perked up. “What?” she inquired anxiously. 

 

“No more paper.” Erin’s glassy eyes seemed to have observed that she had finished every piece of paperwork. “Have to keep working,” she mumbled to noone in particular. “Have to, can’t, I can’t do it, I can’t-“

 

“What can’t you do baby?” Holtz sniffled, trying to get through to the physicist.  

 

Erin closed her eyes. “Can’t look at you.” 

 

Holtz let the tears spill over her eyes, hugging her pillow for comfort as she cried, sinking to a sitting position on the floor. “I know, I know, I’m so sorry Erin, you never should have wanted to have a family with someone like me,” Holtz choked out. “I’m so stupid, you probably hate me now.”

 

Erin seemed to break out of her trance, as she finally heard the words her wife was saying. “What?” She gasped at the tears and the heart wrenching sobs she could finally hear coming out of her wife, throwing a hand over her mouth. “No no no, Jilly don’t you dare cry, this is all my fault, I can’t-“ she put her face in her hands as Holtz’s crying slowed to a level of less distress. 

 

“I can’t look at you because I failed you, Jill.” Erin spoke quietly. “I failed the both of you. I’m supposed to take care of you, and instead I let you get hurt. If anyone should be hated here, its me.”

 

Holtz shook her head, bloodshot eyes unrelenting. “I didn’t give you a choice, Erin. I made you let me go. I had to, I had to make sure you were okay.” 

Erin slid out of her chair to kneel on the floor, taking Holtz’s hands in her own. “But don’t you see Jill? I’m not as important as this, as you. Our family.” 

 

Holtz shook her head. “I don’t want a family that doesn’t have you in it,” she hiccuped through her slow streams of tears.

 

At this, Erin’s heart broke, and she wrapped Holtz in her arms, drawing her close to her chest. “Jillian Holtzmann, I would gladly die trying to protect you, and the next Holtzmann, so you’re just going to have to fight me on that if you don’t like it,” Erin’s voice cracked. 

 

Holtz sniffled. “The next Gilbert-Holtzmann.” 

 

Erin kissed Holtz’s head. “Exactly.”

 

She cradled the blonde’s face in her hands much like she had earlier that day, wiping away the tears. “If I promise to never leave you, do you promise to let me take all the bullets for the three of us?"

 

Holtz smiled softly. “I promise.” 

 

“Good,” Erin squeezed her tighter. “Lets go to bed, Jilly.”

 

 

As they settled into bed that night, the rain lulled them to sleep, washing away the tears of a young couple in love, and giving them hope for the future. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me. I'll write a more fun chapter soon.
> 
> As always, leave me your comments, and follow me @queerbioengineer on tumblr for more Holtzbert.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holtz is hungry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy, darlings ;)

 

Erin and Holtz took the next day off of work, to recover a little bit emotionally. They walked to the farmers market together, and then strolled through Central Park, pausing to feed some ducks by the lake. As they tossed handfuls of breadcrumbs in peaceful silence, they saw small children running around with their parents, giggling as they chased after small herds of pigeons. Holtz smiled, rubbing her lower abdomen, enjoying the feeling of the little bump there. 

 

“That’ll be us soon, Er-Bear,” she said, glancing over to Erin lovingly. 

 

“Yeah,” Erin murmured, pausing before breathing out the question that had been on her mind since last night. “Are we okay?”

 

“Erin, my sweet, sweet Erin,” Holtz threw an arm around the redhead’s shoulders. “We are more than okay. It’ll take a lot more than one bad day to take you away from me.” She chuckled as one of the children squealed at a pigeon flapping its wings. 

 

Erin smiled, nuzzling into Holtz’s shoulder. “I’m gonna miss you, going on busts.” 

 

“Yeah,” Holtz replied absentmindedly. “But don’t worry, I’ve got some ideas cooking up.” She rubbed Erin’s arms. “Holtzy’s gonna make sure her best ladies are all set without her."

 

 

True to her promise, Holtz spent the next month hard at work from the safety of her lab. She churned out new weapons, shields, even designing tactical maneuvers to compensate for the Ghostbusters being short a member. Erin couldn’t drag her away from her toys, Holtz insisting she still had to carry her own weight if she couldn’t go busting anymore. She didn’t slow down until each of the busters was outfitted with a proton sword, portable PKE meter, ectoshield, panic button, and a proton grenade launcher. 

 

“Damn, Holtzy, you shoulda had a baby sooner,” Patty whooped, the three busters returning home after a very successful bust. “For real Holtz,” Abby chimed in. “This is some of your best work.”

 

Holtz grinned, itching to get back in the field again, but still happy she could contribute to the team. “Ladies, stop, you’re makin’ me blush,” she flapped her hand at them. “Leave the packs on my desk, I’ll tune them up after lunch.”

 

“Holtz, it’s 10:30 in the morning.”

 

“I know what I said.”

 

—

 

To someone with an untrained eye, it would’ve been hard to determine when Holtz started having cravings. The petite woman ate enough for 2 grown men on a daily basis before she ever got pregnant, and most of it consisted of junk food. 

 

But the busters could tell. Around four months, Abby and Patty started playing a game, peering over from their desks to see how frequently Holtz came down to the kitchen, and what she would grab when she got there. 

 

“It’s only been 20 minutes, she couldn’t possibly be-“

“Trust me Patty, she’s gonna come down again… aha! There, see?”

“Damn, that really is her kid in there. Alright, I think she’s gonna get leftovers this time.”

“Nope, she grabbed doritos the last time, she’s probably looking for something to put on them.”

“Ugh, what would you put on that, like ranch or something?”

“Nah, its gonna be something really weird, like peanut butter.” 

“Nuh-uh, I don’t believe it, homegirl ain’t that crazy.” 

“Oh shoot, here she comes- hey Holtzy, whatcha got there?”

 

Holtz paused on her way back up the stairs, holding up the container in her hand. “Marshmallow fluff,” she replied, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. 

 

Patty grimaced. Abby muttered out of the side of her mouth, “wait for it…”

 

Holtz held up her other hand with a smile. “And ketchup.” 

 

Abby nodded, grinning while Patty resisted the urge to retch. “Sounds good, save some for us!” She kept smiling as Holtz skipped her way back up to the second floor, turning to Patty smugly. “Ha! Told you it was gonna be weird.”

 

“You call that ‘weird?’ Girl that is, that is just not right. God, I feel sick just thinking about it.” 

 

“What can I say? I know Holtzy.” Abby leaned back in her swivel chair, hands behind her head. “Now I’m betting Erin’s gonna get sent on a snack run within ten minutes.”

 

“I’ll put some money on that.”

 

Sure enough, Erin came down the stairs 7 and a half minutes later, purse in hand. “You guys want anything from the kosher deli four blocks down?” She called cheerfully. 

 

Abby cackled, “Sure thing, Patty’s paying,” earning a hard look from the older woman. “What’s Holtzy want this time?”

 

“Well, I asked what she was hungry for, and she just said ‘yes,’ so I’m guessing a little bit of everything.” Erin grabbed her coat off of the kitchen table. “I’ll be right back!” 

 

Patty slapped $10 into Abby’s hands reluctantly, as the redhead hurried out the door. “And here I thought that girl ate like a truck driver before.” 

 

—

 

As it turned out, Holtz wasn’t just getting hungrier for food. 

 

As the weeks passed, and her stomach grew ever so slightly rounder, she noticed herself getting distracted more and more often. Namely by Erin. Which wasn’t to say Erin didn’t distract her before, but lately she just seemed ten times as irresistible. 

 

She woke up one morning before Erin did. Before she even opened her eyes she could smell her wife, lying next to her. Was that weird? Her hair smelled like lavender, and her skin just smelled…good. Very good. Better than ever.

Holtz shifted backwards in bed from her position as the little spoon that she had fallen asleep in, pressing closer into Erin’s hold. She felt Erin’s warm breath on her neck, which sent a rush of heat to her lower stomach. Holtz whimpered and turned over to face Erin, who was now stirring awake. 

“Mmph, Jill? Is everything okay?” She mumbled, blinking the sleep out of her eyes. She was startled to find herself looking into the very awake, very blown pupils of Holtz at such an early hour.

“More than okay,” Holtz breathed into Erin’s ear, diving right into placing warm, open-mouthed kisses down her neck. The engineer snuck her hand down Erin’s stomach into the hem of her pajama pants, as she moved to shift on top of her.

“What’re you- ooohhh okay,” Erin squeaked out as she let her wife wake her up in a particularly pleasant way.

 

—

 

“Ugh, this just isn’t working.” Erin huffed from her whiteboard, frustrated that her calculations were not cooperating with her today. 

 

Over at her lab bench, Holtz was quiet, feet up on her desk while she balanced a house of cards on the bulge in her stomach. While it may have seemed like she was just slacking off, she had actually been doing some more analytical work today. Observing the way Erin bit her lip when she was thinking hard. Noting that one strand of hair that Erin kept having to tuck behind her ear. Calculating the best fit curve for Erin’s ass. 

You should be working, the blonde’s inner voice said. Doing things. 

“Yes…” Holtz muttered quietly as Erin dropped her marker on the floor. “Doing things…"

 

The physicist turned around. “Did you say something sweetie?”

 

“Nope,” the engineer called back, stacking another card on her belly, pretending like there wasn’t warmth pooling in her boxers when Erin bent over to grab the marker. She eventually abandoned the stack of cards, leaning her elbows on her desk as she watched Erin chew on a pencil thoughtfully. Wishing she were the pencil. 

Focus, said the inner voice. I am, Holtz smirked back to it. 

 

She hopped up out of her chair, strolling over to where Erin was staring at her whiteboard intensely. she leaned back against the redhead’s desk suggestively. “Erin?”

The physicist jumped, turning around with a hand on her chest. “Jill, you scared me,” she giggled. “Do you need something, babe?”

 

“Yes,” Holtz answered in a sinfully sultry voice, pushing herself off the desk only to drop down to her knees in front of Erin, whose eyes widened as Holtz ran her hands up Erin’s skirt, squeezing her upper thigh just enough to pinch. 

“Jill! What’re you doing?” she hissed, choking back a moan as Holtz laid wet kisses up the inside of her thigh. 

 

“Mm. Wantchu,” Holtz mumbled as she licked a long stripe along the edge of Erin’s panties. “Can’t wait.”

 

“Babe, there’s a rule about-“ Erin gulped as Holtz pressed her hips back into her desk, gripping the edge of said desk for support. “-about sex in the Firehouse.” 

 

“Don’t care.” Holtz pressed her tongue into the wet spot growing in the cotton fabric, moaning as she inhaled Erin’s scent. God, she smelled amazing. She had literally never smelled better. “Want you."

 

“Mmm,” Erin whined, resolve weakening as she felt herself getting wetter, arousal spiked with adrenaline at the thought of getting caught. “Okay, baby, but be quick.”

 

Holtz slid her panties down, biting her lip at the sight of Erin soaked for her. “Won’t be a problem.”

 

 

—

 

“Really Holtz? In here?” 

 

They were at some fancy dinner for the Mayor’s office, dressed up to the nines for publicity purposes. Erin had worn a neat pantsuit, complete with suspenders and a crisp white shirt, unbuttoned just enough to show Holtz the curve of her wife’s breasts. Erin’s hair was done up elegantly, with smokey  makeup accentuating her stormy blue eyes, which were staring incredulously at Holtz, who had dragged her into the bathroom right after the first course.

 

Holtz, who was wearing a sleek black dress that accentuated her newfound curves, looked like a hot mess. Her cheeks were flushed, pupils dark black, breath gasping as she pressed her wet pink lips against Erin’s neck. Her hair fell in golden curls around her bare shoulders, and she was pressing her chest against Erin’s firmly as she pushed Erin against the back of the bathroom door. 

 

“Holtz, can’t this wait until we get home?” Erin asked, despite the gorgeous sight in front of her.

 

Holtz shook her head, wide blue eyes imploring Erin as she threaded her fingers through the redhead’s hair. “Nope. Need you now.” She grabbed Erin’s hands and placed them on her hips, guiding the redhead to stroke up and down the length of her dress, Erin bit her lip as her hands drifted around to the open back of Holtz’s dress, feeling Holtz melt into her with a needy mewl as Erin stroked her warm skin. 

“You need something different today, baby?” Erin breathed in Holtz’s ear, feeling the blonde shiver in her arms in response.

“Yes, she gasped, pressing herself closer, trying to eliminate any empty space between the two women. “Fuck me, Erin.”

 

“Right here?” Erin teased her, pressing kisses down her collarbones as she held Holtz’s hips away from her legs, denying her any semblance of friction. “Right now? Are you sure?” She was daring Holtz to beg, and beg she did.

“Yes,” the woman whined. “Yes, please fuck me baby, I need it,” she groaned, biting Erin’s shoulder to smother her desperation. 

Erin took a picture of the moment in her mind, not remembering a time that Holtz had looked more delicious. “Up on the sink, Jilly,” she ordered.

 

Erin felt her own arousal growling at her when she finally pushed into Jillian, her senses overloading with the silky wetness surrounding her fingers, the needy moans coming from Jill’s throat, the squeezing of her legs around Erin’s hips, and the fingernails raking into her back. She gave it to Holtz hard, because she knew that what Holtz needed more than anything right now was to just take it. And take it she did, letting out squeals and moans of pleasure as she begged for it harder, faster, deeper. When she came around Erin’s hand, Erin had to smother her shouts with a deep kiss, practically sticking her tongue down the shorter woman’s throat as she moaned into it. 

 When Holtz finally came down, arms trembling around Erin’s neck, she sighed contentedly, nuzzling the woman with kitten-like tenderness. Erin held her tight, breathing heavily as she assessed the state of their clothing. When she could speak again, she posed a simple question to the blonde:

 

“Satisfied, darling?”

 

Holtz glanced up, eyes still containing that familiar spark. “I should be good till dessert.” 

 

Erin groaned. “You’re insatiable, and I think you know that.”

 

Holtz smirked. “I think I know you like it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are welcome here <3


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clothes shopping, new friends, and fluffy times ahead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ack! Sorry this took so long, my brain went on a looong vacation.
> 
> (I missed you all)

 

“Hnngh—Hrmph-hnngh-come-on-stupid-UGH”

 

Erin was trying really, really hard not to laugh. Laughing would be such an incredibly bad idea right now, she told herself. It was hard not to though, when Holtz had been squirming around for the last five minutes, turtling onto her back as she attempted to button her too-small pants around her hips. Stubborn though she was, the task seemed impossible for the frustrated blonde. Her stomach was prominently swollen at the 5 month mark, and she had thus far avoided buying new clothes by relying on oversized sweatshirts and yoga pants as the bulk of her wardrobe. But finally, laundry day had caught up to her.

 

“Erin, it’s official. Pants are the enemy, and I am never wearing them ever again. Now help me destroy these leg traps."

 

“Jill,” Erin turned away from the bathroom mirror as she finished her makeup with as straight a face as possible. “The pants are not the problem. Why don’t you just consider looking at-“

 

“Don’t even say it, Er-Bear,” Holtz held up a finger in warning from her fetal position on the floor. “I would sooner go on Patty’s weird juice cleanse than step foot in one of those hideous maternity stores.” She grumbled, frowning down towards the strained zipper she couldn’t see beneath her sizable tummy. "Those things are an insult to women and tiny humans everywhere.”

 

“They’re not all that bad,” Erin protested, holding out a hand to help Holtz up off the bedroom floor after she failed to roll herself up to sitting position. “And you need some new clothes, clearly.”

 

Holtz huffed, crossing her arms as she flopped backwards onto the bed, peeling the too-tight pants off her legs. “Can you picture me in one of those floral sack dresses? I think floral might actually burn my skin. In fact, I’m sure of it. I’m allergic to floral.”

 

“You can’t be allergic to a pattern, Jilly.”

 

“Can and will.” 

 

Erin sighed, sitting down beside the grumpy blonde on the bed and starting to rub her belly, earning her a small hum of appreciation. “Okay, fine, we won’t go there, but we have to get you some clothes that fit somewhere. Is there anywhere we could go to get bigger clothes that’s a little more…you?”

 

Holtz bolted up, somehow finding the momentum to get herself to sitting position on the mattress. A shit-eating grin had taken over her face, the kind that usually preceded another explosion in the lab. If past experience was any indication, Erin didn’t care for that grin at all.  

“I know where we’re going,” Holtz sang, hopping off the bed and skipping out of the bedroom towards the front door of the apartment. Erin shook her head, resigning herself to a day of shopping with Jillian Holtzmann, the crazy engineer she had fallen in love with. That is, until she blinked and shouted out the door: “Jillian! PANTS!”

 

—

 

“Jill, how exactly did you find this place?”

 

“Erin, my beautiful tropical fish, where did you think I got my wardrobe in the first place?”

 

“I don’t know, Sears?"

 

Erin was clutching her purse tightly, glancing nervously around the racks of the thrift store Holtz had led her to. The pregnant woman had happily strolled her way down three backstreets and four sketchy-looking alleyways to find the place, the tense redhead clutching her hand and trying to keep up. Holtzmann hadn’t quite gotten to the point of having to waddle yet, so she was still very difficult to maintain pace with. By the time they reached the beaten down corner shop, Erin was sweaty and disgruntled, casting a not-too-approving look around the shop. Erin didn’t really consider herself a snob, but she admitted to Holtz that she had never been to a thrift store in her life. 

 

“What?! Hot stuff, you've been missing out!” Holtz was flipping through racks of oversized band t-shirts, frilled blouses, and men’s trousers, looking like she was a child set loose in a candy-store. Or Kevin in one, for that matter. “I find the coolest stuff in here, and the fun part is, you don’t know who owned it before you.” She gasped, snatching an old men’s vest out of a large pile of clothes. “Whaaaat? What crazy person is giving this away?”

Erin peered at the tag on the vest, brow furrowing as she read the donation details: “Looks like his name was… John Doe? Oh, oh no, Jill, I think this came off a dead guy!”

Holtz seemed unfazed, peering over the vest with relentless enthusiasm. “Ooh, Er-Bear, what do think this stain is from, blood? Or some other bodily fluid?” “Oh my God.” “It’s definitely blood, but not from a healthy person.” “Please stop.” “Now the real question, is this hole from a knife, or more of a shiv-type object?” “Why are you like this.” 

 

“Because she’s got a powerful attention to detail.” Erin yelped, spinning around to find a very tall man standing right next to them, wearing a denim shirt and harem trousers. He had long brown hair and was wearing an eye-catching tie covered in blinking LED pineapples. Erin clutched a hand to her chest, drawing an arm protectively around Holtz in concern. “Oh, um you startled me, um, hello there.”

 

“Virgos are detail-oriented,” the man continued as if Erin hadn’t made a sound, swaying softly to the music playing over the crackling speakers in the shop. “Jillian came into the universe under the rule of Mercury, from whom she draws her boundless energy and youthful spirit.”

 

Erin looked at the man, mouth gaping as she attempted to understand what was happening. “Jill, do you know this guy?” she hissed out of the corner of her mouth,  "Are we being held here?”

 

Holtz snorted, looking up from the rack of clothes she had been ruffling through. "Of course I know him, he’s the store owner. He makes all of those awesome ties I have.”

 

“And his name is…”

 

“Tyler.”

 

“Of course it is. Still with us Tyler?”

 

Tyler had been staring in fascination at Erin’s bright red hair. Erin had a sneaking suspicion she knew where Holtz disappeared to last April 20th. He looked up as if seeing them there again for the first time. “Yes, you must be Erin. Jillian told me the two of you would be coming in today.”

 

Holtz cackled, slapping a hand on the tall man’s shoulder. “Ty, buddy, I most certainly did not.”

 

“You didn’t?” The mans’s bearded face frowned in confusion. “Who was I talking to?”

 

“Maybe it was mini-Holtz. Hey Erin, I could have a psychic brewing up in here.” Holtz gave her stomach a gentle fist-bump, earning a giggle from the redhead. “Anyways, Ty, my baby momma and I are looking for some pants that can accommodate this lil dude for a while. Got any new shipments coming in?”

 

Tyler nodded, pointing over his shoulder. “We just got another one from the morgue, your favorite. It’s in the back.”

 

Holtz fist pumped the air. “You’re the man, Ty.” She gasped. “What if there’s a monocle in there?!” She dumped a pile of old clothes into Erin’s arms and sprinted towards the back of the store. Erin watched the bobbing head of wild blonde hair weave between the racks, and sighed as she kneeled on the ancient linoleum and began folding the thoroughly rifled-through clothes back up.

 

“I love Jill, but I don’t know how I’m going to deal with two mad scientists running around the house,” she commented, as Tyler kneeled down to help with the folding. 

 

“On the contrary,” the man responded in the same slow, relaxed tone that appeared to be his norm. “A child of pisces will be a gentle spirit, very in tune with nature and prone to explore the visual arts.” 

Erin watched in dismay as the man lumped a shirt up in a ball and placed it on the shelf beside them. “Well, that’s very reassuring.” She quietly took the shirt back off the shelf and folded it properly, before looking back up at Ty. “Wait, how do you know when the baby’s going to be born?”

 

“I’m pretty intuitive,” Ty murmured, transfixed by Erin’s hair again. “It’s like I have a fifth sense or something.”

 

“Right,” Erin nodded. “I should introduce you to Kevin.” 

 

They were interrupted by a loud yell coming from the back of the store. “Eriiiiin, I may be stuck in something that is either a corset or a straightjacket. Can you grab the flamethrower out of your purse?”

“The WHAT"

 

—

After several hours of trying on ridiculous outfits, Holtz and Erin left the store with three large bags of loose clothing that lived up to Holtz’s standard for fashion. By the time they made it to the firehouse for the latter part of the half-day they had elected to take, Holtz was dead on her feet, plopping sideways onto the couch in the second floor laboratory unceremoniously, Erin smirking dryly at Holtz as she threw an arm over her eyes dramatically. 

“I’m dead. Avenge me, Erin.” 

“Oh hush. Hold on a minute.” 

 

Holtz peeked an eye open to see her favorite long legs disappearing up to the third-floor storage room, frowning as she was left alone on the couch. She had only just decided to close her eyes for a nap a minute ago when she felt a shift in weight on the other end of the worn-down sofa. Her eyes fluttered open to see Erin, holding an old guitar she hadn’t seen before and strumming the first few chords of a familiar melody.

 

“Found it out by the dumpster,” Erin commented, as if reading the blonde’s mind. “Took a page out of your book and fixed it up, I used to play in college.” Holtz sighed in appreciation of this precious dork she got to call her wife, putting her feet up on the couch and listening to the gentle strumming with dewy eyes as Erin began singing softly…

 

“ _You are my sunshine, my only sunshine,_

_ You make me happy when skies are gray, _

_ You’ll never know dear, how much I love you, _

_Please don’t take my sunshine away_.”

 

Holtz closed her eyes as Erin’s beautiful voice lulled her into a quieter state of mind, a state only she could ever seem to get Holtz into. Her brain got tiring sometimes, with so many thoughts and ideas flying around it. But Erin made things simpler. 

She smiled softly as she heard Erin start humming along to the melody. She always liked to skip the sad verses, saying that she only wanted to sing Holtz happy songs. She rubbed her hand along her belly, wondering if Erin would do the same for the little one. She smiled harder, because she knew she would.

“ _You’ll never know dear, how much I love you,_

_Please don’t take my sunshine away_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know me, I'm a slut for comments. <3


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Kevin and Holtz Bro-TP gets realistically confused in public.
> 
> The baby makes itself known.

 

“Kev? Where are ya, buddy?” 

 

Holtz took a few tentative steps around, peering through her yellow-lensed glasses as she scanned the adjacent aisles of the Home Depot, looking for the lost receptionist-turned-lab assistant. Erin had insisted she start delegating some of the heavy lifting in her work to the muscular puppy-dog of a man, saying she shouldn’t be lifting more than 30 pounds at a time these days. While Holtz was disgruntled at the thought, Erin assured her it was no affront to her capabilities as a woman, just a necessary precaution.

“But how will I keep these nice toned arms you love so much?” Holtz had managed to work into her pouting, earning a slight flush from the redheaded physicist, and a tentative mumble about her figuring something out. 

 

Holtz snickered at the memory as she continued pushing her loaded cart through the aisles. She loved coming here. It smelled like after-school robotics club and late nights in the MIT lab with Rebecca. She would often come up with some excuse to take a trip over and ogle all the new tools, but this time she didn’t need to. She was building something very special to surprise Erin with, which required fresh supplies, not anything she could root out of the dumpster. Now, if only she could find her assistant...

 

 She was  saved from the possibility of having to call for Kevin on the enormous store’s intercom when she came across the paint aisle, and saw him holding a huge armful of wooden planks, talking to a dark-haired woman over by the color swatches with a confused look on his face. “Sir, I don’t work here, and I don’t know what a ‘Holtz’ is, is it some kind of wrench?” 

 

“Kevin, over here!” Holtz waved to get his attention. Kevin perked up, jogging over to her and dumping the planks on top of their shopping cart. “Hey boss, I got that wood you wanted.”

 

Holtz winced. “Phrasing, buddy. Phrasing.” She peered at the cart full of lumber and sighed: “Also, this is walnut. We want cherry, Kev.” 

 

Kevin looked sheepish. “Sorry boss, I remembered it was a fruit, I just couldn’t remember which one.”

 

Holtz opened her mouth and closed it again, deciding not to comment on what qualified as a fruit at this particular time. “No worries, Kev. I’ll just go switch it out.” 

She went to push the cart back towards the back section of the store, but Kevin shook his head. “Can’t let you do that, boss. Other boss’s orders. Can’t risk hurting Kevin. ” He pointed at Holtz’s rounded stomach.

 

Holtz groaned, slumping her shoulders dramatically in defeat. “Traitor.” She glanced up, feigning irritation. “And for the last time, this child is going to be named John if it’s a boy, and Nakatomi if it’s a girl. Diehard names, period. Erin just doesn’t know it yet."

 

Kevin grinned. “I’ll get it right this time, I promise. Chestnut, right?”

 

“Cherry.” 

 

“Oh, yeah, got it.” 

 

Holtz patted him on his shoulder, watching him run off racing with the cart. She chuckled, strolling over to join the dark haired woman Kevin had confused am minute ago in looking at color swatches. She would keep her ears open for any loud crashes in the vicinity. After all, she’s the one who taught him how to race shopping carts, she recalled as she picked up some swatches reminiscent of ectoplasm-green. Probably should’ve taught him how to stop, though…

 

“Husbands. Useless, aren’t they?” 

 

Holtz glanced up, looking left and right before making eye contact with the dark haired woman. Was she talking to her? She was staring right at Holtz, giving her some kind of look. Was she holding three different shades of eggshell white in her hand? Dear Lord.

 

“Um, I… wouldn’t know?” Holtz offered, before turning back to her shades of green, lifting up her glasses to see the color better. Erin wouldn’t get any kind of slime-PTSD from this color, right? Probably not…

 

“How long have you been married?”

 

The woman again. Determined to make small talk, it seemed. Holtz recalled the ring on her left hand, which Erin had so adorably insisted on forging herself. Damn her cute wife, making her “chat” with strangers. “Three years,” she smiled gently, “happily.” Please let be the end of the conversation, please please please...

 

“Is this your first?” The woman placed a hand on Holtz's stomach, causing the hairs on Holtz's neck to bristle.

Holtz grimaced and nodded, screaming internally as she plucked the woman's hand off her stomach and placed it back on the shelf for her. Personal. Contact. Ew. No. 

“I’ve had three, prepare to lose all your sleep!” The woman gave a somewhat manic chuckle, seeming to have not noticed that her hand had been moved. 

 

Holtz snorted in response, turning back to look at the colors in what she hoped was a dismissive enough manner. “Oh, I don’t sleep much.”

 

The woman somehow managed to laugh even harder. “Well, you’re gonna lose what little sleep you have anyway, so get used to it, haha!”

 

Holtz furrowed her eyebrows, not quite believing she was talking to a real person at this point. “Ooookayy.” She shook her head, starting to get more than a little peeved at this lady, and took one last attempt at diverting her attention to choosing a paint color.

 

“And don’t expect him to help at all,” the woman interjected into her thoughts, gesturing in the direction Kevin had gone off in. “Trust me, they never do.”

 

Holtz glanced up. Now she was thoroughly confused. “And why would-“ she pointed towards the back of the store slowly, “-he be helping with the baby? That’d be kinda weird.” She paused. “Unless he wants to babysit sometimes, I guess.” Kevin was good with kids…

 

The woman nodded enthusiastically. “Oh my husband loves babysitting the kids, he’s always going on about it,” she smiled. “You should hear him, ‘oh Deborah, let me watch the kids while you run errands.’ So great.” 

 

Holtz repressed a wince. Gender roles, even grosser. “Yeah well, I think Erin and I will split things pretty evenly.” She attempted to keep judgement out of her tone, even though this lady was testing her patience. Ooh, maybe a nice shade of yellow...

 

The woman perked up. “Oh, Erin? Is that your nanny?” 

 

At this, Holtz audibly laughed. “No, Deborah, that’s my wife.” She turned her head as she heard a loud crash at the end of the aisle, only to see Kevin returning with a cart full of the correct kind of wood. “Oh great, Kevin’s back. I guess this is goodbye, then.”

 

When she looked back at the woman, she was staring confusedly at Holtz, and then back at Kevin. “But…you, I thought…”

 

Finally, the conversation clicked in her head, and she realized the misunderstanding. Bursting out into laughter, she clapped the woman on the back a bit too firmly. Kevin looked on confused, but Holtz decided not to worry him about it, instead loading two cans on paint on top of the wood and hopping onto the foot of the cart.

 

“Oh Deborah. We did not come to the Home Depot to be mistaken for heterosexuals.” 

 

And with that, Kevin wheeled them over to the checkout counter.

 

—

 

“I don’t understand why I can’t look where I’m going, Jill.”

 

“Just trust me, Professor Smartypants. No peeking.” 

 

“Did you have to tie my hands up too?”

 

“Nope, that was just for me.”

 

“Jillian!” 

 

Holtz snickered as she led Erin carefully down the last step to the garage, undoing the ties on the nervous woman’s hands. “Okay, now… look!” 

 

Erin lifted the blindfold off her eyes, gasping and putting a hand over her mouth when she saw the creation in front of her. “Oh Jill…”

 

In the middle of the garage was a hand-built wooden baby’s crib, painted in warm hues of bright yellow and deep gold. Holtz had carved little suns and stars into the sides, and wrapped shiny gold ribbons around the delicate rungs, and on each of the headboards was a curvy, elegant inscription of the song Erin had sung her not too long ago…

 

“I know we don’t know what it’s gonna be yet, but I couldn’t wait,” Holtz said quietly. “But you know, its gonna be our baby, and our sunshine, and like if its not in the gender binary or something-“

 

“Jill”

 

“Like I don’t wanna put labels on our baby or whatever-“

 

“Jillian”

 

“But if you want to paint it pink or blue later, we can totally do that too-“

 

“Jill, stop. It’s perfect.”

 

Holtz smiled, coming in to hold Erin, as they swayed to the song in their head in the middle of the garage. Erin starting singing the lyrics for Holtz again, earning a smile from the blonde as they danced-

 

“You are my sunshine,

My only sunshine,

You make me happy-“

 

“Oh!” Holtz yelped all of a sudden, causing Erin to pull back from her in alarm. The engineer had widened her eyes in shock, clutching her tummy with one hand, the other still wrapped around Erin’s neck. 

“Honey, what’s wrong?” Erin asked frantically. “Is something wrong?”

 

“No, I just-oof!” Holtz put her other hand to her stomach, confusing Erin by smiling all of a sudden. “I think it likes your voice.”

 

“Wait, is the baby kicking?” Erin knelt down and put her hand to Holtz’s stomach, not feeling any sort of movement. She frowned. “It stopped.”

 

Holtz rolled her eyes.”Well you have to start talking again.”

 

“About what? Jillian, you know very well I can’t just start rambling on about something for no particular-OH!” Erin shrieked as she felt a tiny kick against her hand, causing Holtz to wince slightly. “I felt it! Jill, I felt it kick!”

 

“Yeah, you’re tellin’ me.”

 

“Oh hush. Has it done this before?”

 

“Nope, first time.”

 

“I wonder why…”

 

“Maybe it thinks you talk too much.”

 

“Hey! I will not be back-talked by my baby before it’s born!” 

 

“Kidding, Er-Bear. Kidding. You’re perfect.”

 

“Aw.”

 

“Ooh, let’s go have the others feel! Erin, I’m gonna need you to find a boring lecture from Columbia to read to the baby. It shouldn’t be hard.” 

 

“I hate you so much.”

 

“Love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are appreciated!
> 
> (I had fun writing this chapter)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A shorter chapter, mostly Erin's POV. 
> 
> Warning: angst ahoy/semi-graphic imagery

“Jill? Jillian? Where are you?” 

 

Erin was searching the firehouse for her wife. She didn’t seem to be anywhere. In fact, the whole firehouse was empty. She had just gotten back from a bust with Abby and Patty, but they were gone now. She peeked around desolate corner after desolate corner, searching to find Holtz. Where was she? 

The lab. Of course the lab, Erin. She ran to the stairwell, rooms and hallways of the Firehouse passing her in a foggy blur, desks and machines and windows all melting into a threatening glare that chased her.

Time seemed to slow down, as if thick molasses were creeping its way into Erin’s bones. For every torturous and heavy step she took, another seemed to take its place. Her whole body was moving too slowly, too slowly…

 

Something bad is going to happen, something whispered to her. Erin shook her head, sweating as she felt the cold seep into her skin, chilling her down to her very core. Hurry, the voice hissed. 

 

 Erin whimpered as she dragged herself up another step, her whole body weighed down by the gravity of a thousand planets. She felt so helpless, so useless, but she had to keep climbing, keep climbing, she could almost see it.

 

She wanted to cry when she saw the top step, just within the grasp of her slippery hand. The voice started cackling, pounding in her head, laughing at her because she was too late, too late….

 

She heaved herself over the top step. And then she wasn’t on the ground anymore, she was in the middle of the lab, and it was empty, save for the small body lying in a heap on the ground. 

 

“Jillian!” Erin cried out, running to the woman, turning her over to look at her face. She was pale, with blue eyes that were empty and open, staring out into space. Her pink lips were dull and chapped, and her skin was cold. Her limbs were withered and frail, leaving her thoroughly diminished and spent, save the disproportionate bulge in her stomach. Erin didn’t know how, but she could hear it, and it was empty. All of Jillian was hollow. 

 

“No,” Erin sobbed, “Jilly please-“

 

You did thissss, the voice hissed, tearing her mind apart as it ripped through her brain with thunderous volume, blasting her brainwaves to shreds. And suddenly Jillian wasn’t dead, but she was screaming, sobbing in pain, pool of blood growing on the floor beneath her, and Erin’s hands were covered in her blood, and she screamed because she did this, she did this. Jillian was screaming for Erin, but Erin couldn’t reach her, couldn’t get to her, couldn’t find her in time. She was trapped, mere inches away, sobbing as Jillian screamed Erin, Erin, Erin-

 

“ERIN!” 

 

Erin was shook awake, ripped out of sleep by firm hands on her shoulders. She gasped for breath, feeling a cold rush of air over the raw red hurt in her throat that could only come from having shouted in her sleep. Her t-shirt was stuck to her chest, coated in sweat, still heaving as she came down from the wave of panic she had succumbed to while unconscious. She blinked, looking up through the dim light from streetlamps coming into the bedroom through cracks in the blinds, and she looked into bright blue eyes. Not dead and empty. Not torn with pain. But clouded with worry, and lower lip trembling in fear.

 

“Erin?” Holtz had straddled Erin’s waist, presumably to stop her from thrashing in her sleep. She kept her small, calloused hands grasping the shaking redhead firmly by the shoulders, as she shifted her weight, trying to keep her large belly from pressing down on Erin’s chest. “Erin, baby?” 

 

Erin propped herself up onto shaking elbows. She was still coming down from the anxiety, and took a moment to convince herself that this Holtz was real. Real skin, warm against hers, pale from moonlight but not from the chill of death. Real hair, tumbling down her shoulders in curly blonde ringlets, mussed slightly from her pillow. Real eyes, searching hers for answers she didn’t have.

 No blood.

No emptiness.

Just Holtz.

 Erin cleared her throat, wincing at the scratch she felt. “Hey Jilly, I’m sorry I woke you.”

 

Holtz ignored the apology, wiping the sheen of cold sweat from Erin’s forehead with the bottom of her nightshirt. “Erin, sweetie, what happened?” she whispered. "You were having a nightmare and you were shaking and kicking around and-“

 

“Did I hit you?” Erin interrupted suddenly, face solemn as Holtz startled at her question. “Um, no I don’t think so, but Erin, you haven’t had a panic attack that bad since the week after Times Square.” She tried to look Erin in the eyes. “What did you dream about?”

 

Erin refused to meet her gaze. “Nothing. Just watched a scary movie. Happens.” She gingerly lifted Holtz’s hips off of hers and helped her recline back in bed, before standing up and grabbing her tennis shoes off the floor. “Go back to sleep, Jill. I’m gonna take a walk, I'll be back.”

 

“I-“ Holtz paused, eyes wide and confused, a hint of sadness. “Baby, can’t you just come to bed? It’s late, and its cold out-”

 

But Erin was already gone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be back with more updates soon!
> 
> follow me @queerbioengineer on tumblr, and as always, leave me your comments, lovelies <3


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Was it just a dream? Or is Erin hiding something?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if angst could talk right now, it'd be saying "I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me"

“Benny, I swear to God if this is you-“

 

Abby interrupted the irritatingly loud knocking by swinging her door open to discover Erin, disheveled and out of breath, wearing pajama pants, a sweatshirt, and some old tennis shoes. Abby blinked, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. Nope, not a dream. Erin was here, in the middle of the night. 

“Erin, what the hell is this, it’s two in the morning! Christ, did you run here?” She looked around the panting redhead, searching the cheap apartment complex’s dingy hallway for a pregnant blonde that had annoyingly not gained weight in the way she had somewhat-spitefully hoped.

“And where is Holtz?” Abby suddenly groaned, rubbing the back of her neck. “Did you guys have a fight? Is that what this is?” 

 

“No, ” Erin gulped, brushing past Abby and sitting herself down in the armchair, immediately hunching over and tapping her foot on the ground anxiously. “Just needed to talk to you.”

 

Abby closed the door with a sigh, snatching a hairtie off the table and pulling her hair up into a bun as she padded over to her mess of a best friend. “Alright, I’m up, so lets hear it. What’s on your mind?”

 

Erin said nothing, just continued tapping her foot while he wrung her hands, remnants of cold panic still fluttering through her chest as Abby’s words brushed over her.

 

Abby clapped her hands in front of Erin’s face. “Hey, earth to Erin. Please tell me there’s a good reason that you just cock-blocked my subconscious self with a dream version of John Boyega.” 

 

Erin looked up, unblinking bloodshot eyes startling Abby as she muttered: “I had another dream.”

 

Abby nodded, hoping to wrap this up quickly so she could get back to her imaginary storm trooper. “Okay, bad dream, lets talk about it. Are we talking ‘you went to class in your underwear,’ or more like ‘Harry and Ron in the Forbidden Forest, covered in spiders?’” 

 

Erin shook her head. “No, Abby, you don’t understand,” she insisted, desperate blue eyes meeting uncomprehending green ones in a steely gaze. “I had another one of…those dreams.”

 

An old memory stirred in Abby’s mind, a sense of mild dread waking her up completely now, as this whole ‘surprise visit’ suddenly made a lot more sense. “Aw crap,” Abby muttered, exhaling sharply and folding her hands together thoughtfully. “Did you tell Holtz?”

 

Erin shook her head. “It was about her,” she whispered.

 

“Well shit.” Abby then stood up and walked into the kitchen. “You want something to drink?”

 

Erin nodded, eyes closed. “Please.”

 

—

2 missed calls, from “Holtzy”

 

1 new message, from “Holtzy"

 

Holtzy: Hey, you up?

 

Pattycakes: Well I am now -_-

 

Holtzy: Sorry Pats. Need someone to talk to.

 

Pattycakes: Don’t you have a wife for that

 

Pattycakes: I ain’t the one who married you, baby

 

Holtzy: Could’ve been, you’re a goddess amongst women, Pats

 

Pattycakes: HA. I’m tellin’ Erin you said that

 

Holtzy: Noooo

 

Holtzy: I’m kidding

 

Pattycakes: Why you textin’ me at this hour, girl

 

Holtzy: …

 

Holtzy: Erin left

 

Pattycakes: WAT

 

Pattycakes: IMA SLAP THAT GIRL

 

Pattycakes: LEAVIN YOU LIKE THIS THAT NO GOOD

 

Holtzy: the apartment

 

Holtzy: not me

 

Pattycakes: oh lol

 

Pattycakes: guess I came out the door with a pretty hard stance on that

 

Holtzy: nice to see you don’t play favorites, Pats

 

Pattycakes: shut up

 

Pattycakes: why’d she leave

 

Holtzy: I don’t know

 

Holtzy: she had a bad dream but she usually tells me about them

 

Pattycakes: did you guys fight about something

 

Holtzy: no

 

Holtzy: but she was screaming my name

 

Holtzy: and like not in the fun way

 

Pattycakes: y’all are nasty

 

Pattycakes: for real tho, maybe she’s just worried about you or somethin'

 

Pattycakes: hell I worry you gonna blow us up every damn day

 

Pattycakes: give her a little space, she’ll come around

 

Holtzy: yeah

 

Holtzy: okay

 

Holtzy: Abby just texted, said Erin’s gonna spend the night there, but she’s fine.

 

Holtzy: :( 

 

Pattycakes: Hey, you’ll see her tomorrow. She’ll probably be calmed down by then. 

 

Holtzy: yeah

 

Holtzy: you know

 

Holtzy: its not too late to be my platonic cuddle buddy :) :) :)

 

Pattycakes: keep on dreamin, baby

 

Holtzy: aw you’re no fun

 

Pattycakes: what I am is going to bed

 

—

 

“I thought you said it had only happened once before. That’s not enough evidence to base this hypothesis off of, Erin.”

 

“Well…”

 

“Erin. It-did- happen only once before, right?”

 

Erin took a sip of her scotch, refusing to meet Abby’s eyes. 

 

“Dammit Erin, what aren’t you telling me?” 

 

Erin exhaled slowly. “Okay, so you know about the time when I was 8. And Abby, I never told anybody else about that part of it.”

 

Abby leaned forward in her chair across the kitchen table. “You never told anybody else you dreamt about the old lady haunting you? The night that she actually died?”

 

“I thought I was crazy, Abby,” Erin snapped. “It’s like the flying baby, okay? I kept my mouth shut, and you would’ve too.”

 

“But not once the haunting started.”

 

“That was different. That was every night for a year.” Erin sighed. “I didn’t need to add creepy death dreams onto all the things that were wrong with me.” Her eyes glazed over, staring off into space as she mumbled. “But then it happened again. Before times square.”

 

Abby’s eyes widened, and she placed a tentative hand over Erin’s, trying not to get too excited. “What did you see?” she whispered.

 

“I didn’t know at the time,” Erin mumbled. “I just saw ghosts everywhere, and everything was green and red and burning. And you were dead, Abby.” She met Abby’s eyes. “You were gone, in the ghost dimension, forever.”

 

“But that didn’t happen, Erin,” Abby butted in enthusiastically. “That didn’t happen because you saved me!”

 

“Yeah I guess,” Erin stared into her glass of swirling brown liquid. “That dream was the only reason I opened Rowan’s book again, and found out what he was up to. But what does it mean, Abby?” She looked up, sunken eyes desperate and tired. “Why is this happening to me?”

 

Abby hesitated. “Well, I have a theory.” She rubbed Erin’s hand soothingly. “Building up to the events at Times Square, there were huge spikes in PKE around the whole city, right?”

 

Erin nodded.

 

“Well, there are also spikes in PKE whenever someone dies. And we’ve been getting above average readings on the last couple of busts we’ve been on, regardless of the class of entity we’re dealing with.”

 

Erin stilled. “What are you getting at.”

 

“I’m saying…there have been theories, among former paranormal researchers, that certain individuals are born with sensitivities to PKE. Psychics, mediums and the like. That their brainwaves are able to achieve some sort of resonance with psychokinetic energy. I initially debunked the theory, because so many psychics and such are frauds but-“

 

“You think that’s happening to me?” Erin choked, suddenly feel the urge to get up and start pacing around the room. “Abby, you can’t be serious, this can’t be the answer.”

 

“Look, I’m not saying its ‘definitely’ what’s happening, but we shouldn’t rule it out!” Abby insisted. “It would explain why you got haunted for so long, if you have some kind of...connection with the ghosts, and why you’re the only one who gets slimed on!” Abby couldn’t resist the thrill of being onto something, the new possibilities this opened up, ignoring how her words made Erin more agitated. "I mean, if you’d be willing to take an MRI so we can look at-“

 

“NO, ABBY, YOU DON’T GET IT!” Erin slammed her hands down on the table, causing it to shake, both their drinks sloshing and spilling over the table. Abby balked, unsure how to react to her best friend getting so worked up about this. Erin sat back down next to her, leaning in to grab both of Abby’s shoulders as she pleaded with her: “This needs to just be nothing, okay? It had to just be some dream or hallucination. Just tell me I’m crazy, okay?”

 

“Erin,” Abby said slowly. “What happened in your dream last night?”

 

The redhead’s eyes started watering. “It was different this time. There were no ghosts, not a single one. Just me.” 

 

“Just you. And what did you do?”

 

Erin’s voice cracked, as the tears spilled over her eyes. “Holtz was dead, Abby. I think I killed her.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hold onto your hats, fellow busters. This angst-trip is gonna take several more chapters to resolve.
> 
> leave your comments para mi, por favor, @queerbioengineer


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erin runs into an old friend.

Erin walked into the Firehouse the next day far too tired for her own good, a fact reflected in the deep groan she made into each heaping gulp of coffee she took slumped against the kitchen counter. The day’s only going to get better from here, Erin, she thought to herself grimly. 

It had taken a lengthy discussion with Abby to convince herself that the nightmare she had last night was unlike whatever metaphysically-linked premonitions she may have potentially had in the past.

 

\---

 

_ “Look, Erin, you said it yourself,” Abby had insisted in their second hour of sleep-deprived confidence. “The chance that you’re actually some sort of psychic or, or-“ _

 

_ “Ghost-girl,” Erin had mumbled into a throw pillow unhelpfully. _

 

_ Abby had narrowed her eyes. “Whatever- is slim at best. And even if you are, it seems like the only dreams you had before that came true were linked to activity from the vortex, yes?" _

 

_ “…Yeah.” _

 

_ “So, your dream last night had no ghosts in it, right? Just you, and… and Holtz.” _

 

_ “Holtz’s corpse.” _

 

_ “Hey, now you stop that. Holtz isn’t gonna die, you guys are doing everything right. And I know for a fact you’d sooner die than do anything to hurt her, or that kid. If I didn’t know that, I wouldn’t have let you marry her.”  _

 

_ “Really?” _

 

_ “Yes, really. God, what kind of friend do you take me for.” _

 

_ “Ross?” _

 

_ “Excuse you! Nobody liked Ross!” _

 

_ “Heh. Sorry." _

 

_ “Anyway, this was just a regular nightmare, probably cuz you’re freaking out about being a mom right now, which I mean, I get it. But you gotta talk to Holtz about this stuff, okay? She’s the one with the thing inside her.” _

 

_ “You really make the miracle of life sound beautiful, Abby.” _

 

_ “And don’t you forget it.” _

 

\---

 

Erin hoped the fitful few hours of sleep she had grabbed on Abby’s couch were enough to help her handle apologizing to Holtz for last night. By now, she had convinced herself that Abby was right. It was just a normal nightmare, no kind of premonition about it. Just a nightmare. 

She shivered, glancing around the empty kitchen, nothing but the distant purr of Holtz’s machines to fill the early morning silence. It didn’t feel like just a nightmare though, she thought. Every time she blinked her eyes, she saw Holtz again. She saw all that blood, and she saw those chillingly glassy eyes. Even though she knew, in her head, that it wasn’t real, it was hard not to choke out a sob every time she thought about it. 

Holtz was everything to her. The woman had come into her life like a speeding express train, and taken Erin with her. She loved the thrill that seeped into Holtz’s features when she was doing something she loved. She loved the funny voices she made and the impressions she did, and the horribly corny jokes she made at every possible opportunity. She loved the craziness and the thrill-seeking and the brilliance of Holtz, the tiny firecracker of a genius that brought life to their family.

But more than that, Erin loved the more tender side of Holtz that only a select few got to see. How she took in every stray animal she found and tried to hide it in the lab. How she had to cover her ears whenever people started arguing, because she hated when people she loved fought. Even how she was rude to Erin when they first met. Erin chuckled at that. She loved how loyal Holtz was to Abby, and now to her. She couldn’t believe she had gotten so lucky. 

So when she saw the love of her life lying lifeless on the floor, the image floating through her mind like a dark cloud, she couldn’t help but feel her heart break, even if it wasn’t real. 

 

“Erin?”

 

The redhead in question wiped her eyes, unsure of when she had started crying, and turned around to see the woman in question arriving. Holtz she had worn her old MIT sweatshirt today, which was still oversized, but fit her more snugly around the middle these days. Her hair was up in its usual style, and she had even worn some makeup today. With a pang in her chest, Erin realized it was probably  to cover circles under her eyes. She was currently standing tentatively a few feet away from Erin, a plastic bag in hand, looking a bit tired too. 

 

“Oh, good morning Jill,” Erin sniffed a bit, trying to clean herself up a bit. “How did you-“

 

“I brought you some clothes from home,” Holtz said quietly, holding the bag out for Erin and turning to go upstairs to the lab. Pained, Erin grabbed her hand before she could walk away. “Jill wait.”

 

Holtz turned back to her. She’s looking at my nose, Erin noticed. Something Holtz did to fool people into thinking she was making eye contact when she’s really too uncomfortable. But Erin could tell. And she had to make it right. 

 

“Jillian, I’m so sorry for running out like that last night.” She kissed Holtz’s hand, feeling some of the tension leaking out of the other woman as she. “I think I let a lot of things get to me all at once, which I should’ve talked to you about.” She rubbed Holtz’s small, rough hands with her thumb, feeling the blonde squeeze her hand in return. “I’m so sorry, and I promise to make it up to you tonight.” She smiled at her wife hopefully.

Holtz frowned, but Erin could tell she forgave her from the twinkle in her baby blue eyes, which now gazed straight back into hers. 

“Help me decorate for Hanukkah?” Holtz mumbled. Erin smiled. Of course she hadn’t forgotten that was only in a few days.

She gasped, feigning scandal. “You mean you were going to do it without me?” 

Holtz grinned brightly. Erin had never been happier to see that smile. “Bet you can’t guess where I hid your presents.”

“Oh I bet I can.” 

“I already found mine.”

“Jillian! You didn’t.”

“You really gotta stop hiding stuff into your underwear drawer.”

 

The sound of the Ecto-1 starting rumbled its way through the foyer. “Gilbert, get your butt down here! We got a call!” 

 

Erin winced. “Well, I guess that’s me, baby. Try not to get too bored around here.”

 

Holtz sighed dramatically, slumping herself down over the counter. “I guuessss.” 

 

Erin lifted Holtz’s chin up for a kiss, which they both smiled into. Erin sighed. “Okay, gotta go.”

 

“Nooo, stay with me.” 

 

“I can’t! I’ll be back soon.”

 

“Okay, and Erin?” Holtz turned serious for a moment. “Will you tell me what you dreamed about last night, when you get back?” 

 

Erin smiled, before running out the door to the purring Ecto-1 to join Patty and Abby.

“Of course I will, Jilly.”

——

 

“Alright you guys, from what the receptionist said, this sounds like its just one class III spector, non-confrontational.” Patty read out the bust details as they walked up to the hotel doors. “Should make for an easy bust.” 

 

Erin scratched her jumpsuit collar, suddenly feeling very itchy. “I don’t know, you guys. I don’t have a great feeling about this.” Something about the building was putting her off, she just couldn’t tell what it was. It was an average looking hotel, 3 stars, short-staffed, but well kept. The building had been cleared out due to rumors of a haunting, but as far as they could tell, noone had gotten hurt yet. 

It should be an easy bust, Erin, she thought to herself. So why was she getting such a bad feeling about this place? 

 

Abby, who was in an intolerable mood due to her lack of sleep the previous night, brushed off Erin’s comment. “Listen, Erin, this is no time to be getting all hippy-dippy on me, ok? It’s a class 3, we could bust that in our sleep. Let’s just split up and get this done.” 

 

Patty nodded her assent. “Alright, I’ll got dibs on the ground floor. Which one of you wants the cellar?”

 

Erin glanced at the dingy stairwell leading to the basement, and then looked back to the group. Or, she tried to at least. She suddenly found that she couldn’t look away from the cellar. In fact, she swore she heard something coming from down there, as all the noises around her faded into a white rush as her tunnel vision took over. She was transfixed.

 

“I’ll take the cellar,” she heard herself say, footsteps gliding swiftly down the stairs as she left the remnants of her conversation with her friends behind. She didn’t entirely process descending the stairwell, as her mind became preoccupied with how light her pack felt, and how very bright the lights were down here. She stepped off the last stair to the bottom, finding herself in a dusty, ancient storage room. 

Erin realized that there were no lights down here, and the only light she was seeing was glowing ectoplasm green, coming from behind a large palate of boxes. 

“Don’t go over there Erin, don’t do it,” she muttered to herself, before wincing and slowly walking over to see it anyway. When she finally peeked into the hidden, glowing corner of the room, she only had a moment to register the small, inch-wide crack in the concrete floor revealing a swirling mass of energy that looked terrifyingly like the vortex they had closed 5 years ago. 

She only had a moment because the second she laid eyes on the small portal to the vortex, the energy emanating from it seemed to expand, the buzzing in her head increasing its frequency until she had to cover her ears to keep her head from splitting open. She dropped to her knees, groaning as a formless green vapor rose up out of the shrinking crack, the tail of the cloud escaping its prison just as the portal closed. Erin opened her mouth in a silent shriek as the cloud slammed into her chest, throwing her backwards onto the concrete, proton-pack and all.

 

She landed with a hard thump, mind fading to blackness, and Erin closed her eyes

—

 

_ “Nice to see you again, Doctor Gilbert.” _

 

—

 

And Rowan opened them. 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me plz. 
> 
> <3
> 
> Leave your comments!


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The nightmare continues...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Did I say this was a love story? It's a horror movie"
> 
> -Deadpool

 

Rowan opened his eyes, staring up at a concrete ceiling. He smiled. His plan had worked after all. He had returned to the world of the living.

He flexed and curled his fingers, noticing how much longer and slimmer they were than he was used to. He wiggled his toes, noticing the clunky boots that weighed him down under the drab khaki suit. He rolled his eyes. These irksome women looked ridiculous. 

Regardless, he was satisfied with the strength of his vessel. It was hard to form a metaphysical connection with a human mind in his current weakened state, but he had felt the difference in this vessel’s energy from the moment they first met. This one had already formed the link, he just needed to lure her in close enough to take it. He felt a touch of guilt at the necessary sacrifice of the soul upstairs, being captured by the other two ‘ghost-busters'. But they would be avenged, oh yes. 

 

Once the threat was eliminated. Then, and only then, could Rowan’s apocalypse finally commence. 

 

He felt Dr. Gilbert’s spirit rattling around inside this skull with him, but he maintained a firm grasp of control over the body’s movements. Getting used to the feeling of being alive again after so long, he flexed his abdomen and flipped himself upwards off the ground to standing position, landing surprisingly firmly. 

“Not bad, Dr. Gilbert,” he said aloud, startling himself with the feminine lilt of his voice. Right. He was possessing a woman again. He frowned, turning his hips left and right, adjusting to the...foreign arrangement of parts. He cracked his knuckles, puffing the stray strands of ginger hair out of his face while smirking. “Oh yes, this vessel will do just fine. Thank you, Erin, for lending me your services.”

He winced, cursing as he felt a sharp pain behind his left ear. He could sense the woman’s glowing blue spirit scratching at him furiously, scrambling to gain some ounce of control. 

“ _Quiet, bitch_ ,” Rowan growled in his mind, eyes glowing green as he sent his spirit coursing through every bone, muscle, and vein in the slender form, forcing Erin’s glowing blue light into the back of his head. He scavenged her mind for memories, re-living the past few days in her head as he gathered the information he needed.

_“I’ve had years to wait for this, and I won’t have you insolent women stop me from completing this task. Now…_ ” he cracked his neck, stalking over to the staircase with a twisted grin that caused a frightened flicker through the soul shoved in the back of Erin’s head. 

_ “Let’s go pay a visit to our darling wife.” _

 

—

 

Externally, Erin Gilbert was laughing with her friends, celebrating the peaceful end to another successful bust as they drove the Ecto-1 back to the Firehouse. Internally, Rowan was cackling in victory, delighted that the women in the front seat had been too stupid to notice a thing.

 

_“In all my undervalued life, Dr. Gilbert, I never thought that just desserts would taste so sweet_ ,” he taunted silently, feeling the woman burn red in anger in the back of his mind. 

_“What do you want, Rowan?”_ Erin hissed within his head. She felt useless, trapped in her own body, feeling Rowan control her every movement but unable to stop it. She remembered Abby saying that she had no recollection of Rowan possessing her.

But Erin saw everything. His thoughts swirled and mixed with hers violently, filling her thoughts with his anger, his resentment. It seemed as thought in the vortex, Rowan’s spirit had only grown crueler, and more spiteful. 

_“I want to take back what’s rightfully mine, Erin,”_ he spat at her, while maintaining a peaceful expression on Erin’s face, revealing nothing of the heated exchange occurring within. 

_“I want to bring this world to its rightful end, and reign havoc on all of the garbage humans who wronged me. Starting with you Ghostbusters."_ A smirk snuck it’s way onto Erin’s face. “ _The funny thing was, I was going to wait till you pathetic girls just died off. Gather more strength, before making my return, so I wouldn’t have to deal with you nuisances anymore, and your pesky proton-machines.”_

Rowan grumbled at the memory of being blasted into the vortex, earning a snicker from Erin’s mind. Glaring out the window, he forced her consciousness back down again.

 

_  "That was the plan, anyways. But then I caught wind of a certain new development around here, which called for some more…immediate action.” _

 

Rowan smiled, as the car pulled up to the Firehouse. _“And yes, Doctor Gilbert. I am going to enjoy this very much.”_

 

—

 

Holtz looked back up at the clock, only to frown at it. It had only been four minutes since she last looked at it. She had been positive that it was an hour ago. 

She groaned, reclining in her wheely chair as she flopped the loose arms of her sweatshirt around mindlessly. She was sooo bored. 

She had already finished her project for the day: a pair of ecto-handcuffs, to be used for temporarily detaining a specter whilst focusing on battling bigger, badder ghosts. They would need to be field tested, but she felt pretty good about her work. She rarely didn’t. 

Holtz pursed her lips, thinking while she spun herself in circles with her foot. Could she work on anything else? She’d already done all of Patty’s sudoku books, so she might as well. 

“What do you think I should work on, young grasshopper?” She addressed the cantaloupe-sized lump under her sweatshirt. It was, unsurprising, silent. Holtz wiped an imaginary tear from her eye. “My own offspring, sleeping for six months straight. You’ve already made me so proud.” 

 

She chuckled to herself, before deciding to work on tuning up patty’s ghost-chipper, munching on some apple slices as she did so. She was almost finished when she heard the unmistakable sound of her own signature, souped-up motor engine purr. Had she been a cat, her ears would’ve perked up. The ladies were home. She considered running downstairs to greet them, but her feet shouted in protest. She pondered the possibility of building one of those old-people chair lifts, to enable her own laziness. 

 

Holtz followed that train of thought long enough not to notice a certain redhead climbing the stairs. When she heard her open the lab door, a huge grin broke out on Holtz’s face, before sighing in happiness. She hadn’t wanted to reveal how much she missed Erin last night, but she couldn’t help it. She had been so lonely in their bed all by herself.

 

“You,” she swiveled in her chair and pointed at Erin, feigning seriousness. “You owe me some serious snuggling tonight.”

 

Erin looked startled for a moment, looking left and right as if unsure who Holtz was talking to. “I…what?”

 

“Yes, you, Erin Gilbert.” Holtz wheeled herself closer before hopping up out of the chair and strolling up to the redhead and throwing her arms around her shoulders, relaxing into the familiar feeling of her wife’s warm skin as she rested her head on Erin’s chest. “I am seriously deprived of Vitamin E, after last night, and that’s not good for the baby at all.” 

 

“Is that so?” Erin smirked, eyes glinting before putting her hands on Holtz’s hips, stroking up and around the blonde’s back as she pulled her closer. “Is your mean old wife not giving you enough affection?” 

Holtz closed her eyes and hummed in appreciation at the contact. “Mm-mm.” 

 

Erin continued stroking Holtz’s back and shoulders, smiling a bit oddly, Holtz noted, as she kept up the joke. “I don’t see why she wouldn’t. You’re so pretty, Jillian.” 

 

Holtz smiled, head still nestled in Erin’s chest. “Yeah?” 

 

“Oh yes,” Erin chuckled. “And so smart. So very smart.” Erin ran her fingers through Holtz’s tousled hair. “So many big ideas in this brain of yours. The Ghostbusters would be nothing without you.” 

 

Holtz blushed, drinking in the warm fuzzy feelings from her wife’s compliments. “Oh, stop it. You’re just as much a genius as me.”

 

“I know,” Erin retorted a bit quickly. “But if it weren’t for your technology, this whole team would’ve been helpless to stop the apocalypse.” Holtz frowned slightly as Erin’s hand gripped her waist a little too firmly, hand in her hair scratching her scalp a bit too roughly. “You’re irreplaceably brilliant, Jillian. And I’m sure that child you’re having will be just as much a force to be reckoned with as you are. The beginning of a Ghostbusters legacy...” 

Holtz tilted her head upwards to ask her wife what exactly she was going on about, but before she could get the words out, Erin’s mouth captured hers in a bruising kiss, pulling her in too quickly to even get air. Holtz closed her eyes, sinking into Erin’s lips for a blissful moment before pulling back, eyelids fluttering open to look for answers in Erin’s deep green eyes. 

Alarms started blaring in Holtz’s head. The blood drained out of her face in a heartbeat, in the half a second in which she didn’t know why.

 

Erin didn’t have green eyes. 

 

Eyes widening in panic, Holtz tried to scrambled back, but the hands holding her were hard as steel, an immovable cage holding her in place. Inhuman eyes held her gaze captive as she watched a heavy, foreign voice move her lovers mouth in horror, finishing the thought:  

 

“And that’s why you both have to die.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you all hate me right about now. My girlfriend threatened to break up with me over this story arc.
> 
> But these ARE the ghostbusters we're talking about, right? I hardly think that any part of their lives could be fluffy and simple ALL the time.
> 
> Just keep reading, this little side-story is wrapping up soon. The fluff will return eventually. 
> 
> As always, comments are a writer's best friend <3


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rowan confronts Holtz.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: Blood, semi-graphic

 

Holtz felt her heart clench, skipping one beat, and then another. She looked on in horror as sinister coils of green energy flickered and swirled behind the blown, jet-black pupils of the woman who had held her tenderly not 30 seconds ago. She felt terror and revulsion seep into her bones as she realized the lie, the simple ruse that had brought her skipping happily into her trap. She felt the sting on her treacherous lips as she glanced side to side, searching for some way out and realizing there was none.

 

“Erin?” The small woman whimpered, hoping that the burning threat in her lover’s eyes would fade away. She itched and cowered at the unfamiliar harshness of the redhead’s hold, slender fingers leaving cruel, bruising marks on Holtz’s arms as she slowly backed them up against Holtz’s workbench. Holtz winced as she felt the physicist press Holtz against the bench with her body, praying she wouldn’t press too hard on her rounded stomach, which felt far too out in the open right now for Holtz’s liking. 

 

“Erin isn’t home right now,” the possessed physicist snarled, causing panic to flood through Holtz’s body. Possessed. Her Erin was possessed. And she was completely vulnerable. 

Her baby was completely vulnerable.

 

“Who-who are you?” Holtz stammered, as she slowly inched her hand backwards on the bench behind her, fingertips brushing against her new ecto-handcuff prototype. Field tests be damned. She couldn’t let Erin do anything to them, she couldn’t...

 

But the spirit had other ideas, cold eyes locking onto the movements of Holtz’s not-so-subtle hands and tutting. “Sneaky, sneaky, Jilly.” Erin's neck turned sharply back towards Holtz, tilting her head as her eyes gleamed. “Maybe this will jog your memory.”

 

Holtz’s eyes widened in terror as she felt inhumanly strong hands dart out like lightening, wrapping around her throat and lifting her off the ground. Handcuffs forgotten, Holtz scratched at her neck, desperately attempting to peel the constricting fingers off of her neck as she gasped for air. 

 

The spirit barked out a callous laugh at the squirming woman in the vessel’s chokehold, only squeezing tighter as it cackled: “This is fun, right? Bringing back some memories, Jillian?”

 

As black spots appeared in her vision, Holtz felt bitter familiarity rushing through her oxygen-deprived brain, as her neck ached with the chillingly recognizably hold. “Rowan,” she croaked, still kicking and struggling feebly as her lungs screamed for release.

 

“Well how about that, you do remember me!” Rowan tossed Holtz backwards towards the work bench with alarming strength, as the outline of Erin’s body seemed to glow greener and more cutting with his rage. Holtz’s back slammed into the metal edge of the bench, gasping for breath as she threw out her forearms to catch her self from falling onto the ground. She dragged herself up to standing, trying not to hiss in pain at the smarting in her upper back. She stared at Rowan like a cornered animal, fully aware of what he was capable of doing and having one goal in mind: keep him away from her. 

 

 

“Let-let Erin go,” Holtz tried to harden her voice, but couldn’t escape the tremor that betrayed her. She was so, so terrified. She couldn’t fight back, she could hurt the baby. But she couldn’t let HIM hurt the baby. She couldn’t do anything.She needed Erin.

But he already had her. 

“I can’t do that, Jillian,” Rowan replied cooly, glancing around the lab and walking around as if he was looking for something. Jillian tried to back away, but found she couldn’t move from where she stood. She yanked her foot up violently, grunting with effort, only to have it remain stuck in place. The same happened with both her arms, causing Rowan to release a chuckle in her direction. She paled. Rowan was stronger this time. 

He was holding her with his mind. 

Holtz prayed Abby and Patty would find her. Soon. 

 

“You see, I can’t let Erin go because that wouldn’t fit the picture, would it?” Rowan reached under Holtz's desk, pulling out a long crowbar she had pinched off of Patty’s terrible mechanic. Rowan smacked the crowbar against Erin’s palm a few times, smiling in appreciation. He looked up, eyes meeting Holtz’s almost manically. 

“You see, crazy Erin Gilbert finally snapped, just like everyone thought she would.” He walked towards Holtz slowly, menacingly, as Holtz began hyperventilating, tears of panic leaking out of the corners of her eyes, attempting to shrink into a smaller target to hide her bump, but held firmly in place. 

Rowan continued on, a fake pout playing dramatically on the edges of the lips Holtz had kissed so many times. “Such a terrible shame, it was. That the psycho could just beat her wife and unborn child to death like that.” He stepped into Holtz’s space, brushing the rusty crowbar down the pale skin of her cheekbones like a tender caress, cold metal chilling her body, which felt like it was trapped in cement. “I guess she really was crazy."

 

A choked sob escaped Holtz's throat, as horror washed over her in thundering waves. “Rowan please, it’s just a kid, it won’t hurt you-“

 

“LIAR!” Rowan roared, whipping the crowbar down onto her left forearm with a loud crack. Holtz felt pain ripping through her body, knees buckling as she screamed, tears spilling over her eyes as the spell holding her in place broke. She fell to her knees, clutching her left arm. She could tell it wasn’t broken, but it still blinded her in pain. She vaguely registered the shouts of Abby and Patty from downstairs, asking if Holtz was okay. 

“Please,” she whimpered, as Rowan towered over her, twisting Erin’s beautiful features into a truly terrible sneer. “Don’t do this to Erin. Please don’t take us away from her, please don’t leave her all alone…” 

 

“Oh, don’t cry, Jillian.” Erin’s familiar hands brushed the tears away from her face, but Holtz cringed at the unnaturally cold temperature of her skin, with revulsion at the knowledge of who was controlling her. Her eyes gleamed bright green. “We can haunt her together, when she’s in prison. Won’t that be fun?” Rowan cackled maniacally. 

 

“ABBY! PATTY, HELP!” Holtz screamed as she heard the two women finally stumble over the threshold of the laboratory, shouting in confusion and anger at the sight before them. Abby fired off a shot towards Erin with her proton glove, which grazed Erin’s hip with a sizzle, causing Rowan to glance towards the entrance with a snarl.  Holtz took the lapse in his attention to scramble away, wincing as she pushed herself up off of the ground, looking around desperately for a weapon. She had barely gained her balance, however, when Rowan lashed his hand out midair, releasing two subsequent bursts of green spectral energy that tossed Patty and Abby back against the wall. Holtz scrambled backwards, stumbling as she watched her best friends incapacitated by Rowan easily, who only seemed to be growing in strength. Abby and Patty protested loudly as they struggled to move their arms from their sides, bound by Rowan’s spell. 

“Get out of our friend, ghost!” 

“Leave them alone, you-"

 

“ENOUGH!” Rowan roared, the room falling deadly silent as Abby and Patty’s mouths were bound with invisible gags. Holtz suppressed a whimper as she inched backwards towards the laboratory window, followed step for step by a now seething Rowan. Her heart was beating a thousand miles a minute as she tried to think of a way to save them, blood draining from her body as she grew more and more desperate…

 

“Please, Rowan, I’ll… I’ll leave the Ghostbusters,” Holtz sputtered out through her relentless stream of tears as Rowan rifled through Erin’s pockets, all the while backing her into a corner menacingly. “I’ll leave everything, I’ll just take the baby and go...go where they can never find us. Where we can never hurt you.”

 

Cold green eyes met her tearful blue ones with all the compassion of a stone statue. “Sorry, Jillian. I can’t take that chance.” Holtz pressed her back against the wall, sinking down onto the floor with her arms hugging her belly protectively, shaking as she saw what Rowan pulled out of Erin’s pocket: her Swiss Army Knife. 

Rowan switched open the blade, metal glinting in the afternoon sun filtering in through the window, and Holtz vaguely registered Abby and Patty’s muffled, helpless shouts from the entrance of the lab. 

 

Realizing with a sunken heart that this was it, that this was how she was going to die, Holtz looked up at Erin’s face one last time, imagining that it was still her wife, and she was holding their healthy baby, rocking it gently with a smile, singing to it. Not Rowan, standing over her murderously, gripping her favorite knife tightly, raising it up to finish them off with a final strike, which Holtz knew would be accurate. Holtz whispered to Erin, trying to comfort her if she was still in there:

 

“It’s okay, Erin, it’s okay, I love you, I love you, I love you, you’re gonna be okay-“

 

Holtz closed her eyes as Rowan swung the blade down, bracing herself for the impact. 

 

The sound of sharpened metal slicing through soft flesh seemed to echo through the room, the telltale sound of blood dripping on the floor giving away that the knife had met its mark. Holtz registered no pain, wondering for a moment if she was in shock, or perhaps was already dead so quickly, feeling numb as she accepted the fact. 

 

Until Rowan’s roar tore shook the entire building.

 

Holtz’s eyes flew open, scanning her immediate surroundings to see Rowan stumbling backwards as he shouted in pain, blood leaking out of Erin’s abdomen  where the Swiss Army Knife had been buried hilt-deep, a red stain growing quickly across Erin’s sweater;

Holtzscrambled to her feet, shock fading slightly to confusion as she watched him pull the knife out of Erin’s stomach with a grunt, dropping it almost immediately with a hiss as the knife seemed to burn his skin. 

 

Holtz glanced over towards Abby and Patty, who seemed to have been freed from their invisible traps, and were shaking out their limbs as they stared at Rowan’s seething form in silent confusion. Holtz glanced over her body, still halfway expecting herself to be the one who was impaled, and wondering how the knife’s trajectory had changed direction so severely.

 

“STOP IT!” The three women startled as Rowan screamed, clutching one hand to his bleeding side as the other lashed out in fury toward’s Holtz’s desk, sweeping all the tools and inventions to the floor with a loud crash. He then clutched his free hand to his head, pulling a large lock of red hair in his grasp as he glowered, not looking at any of the women in particular as he continued to rage to the silent room. “SHUT UP, WOMAN!” With his yell, an entire shelf full of machinery glowed green and fell to the floor, smoke billowing up at an alarming rate as Rowan thrashed to himself. 

 

Tentatively, the bruised blonde stepped forward towards the body that was beginning to shake in the middle of the room, sparks of hope growing in her eyes as she chanced an idea at what was happening: “Erin?” she called out, amidst the somewhat concerning beeping of her machines. 

 

Green eyes snapped over to meet hers, Rowan’s unmistakable snarl growing on Erin’s sweating face again as Abby and Patty quickly pulled Holtz backwards behind them, shielding her from what the crazed, destructive spirit might do. 

 

“I.. told…you,” Rowan panted, raising a bloodied hand up to face the huddle of women threateningly, green charge crackling around Erin’s fingertips. “Erin isn’t-

“ 

Rowan’s eyes bugged out of his head, as his last words got cut off in a strangled choke. He threw his hands to his throat as he stumbled to his knees, seeming to struggle for breath as he coughed violently. 

“What the hell…” Patty whispered, hand going to her sidearm tentatively as they watch Rowan sink deeper into a coughing fit, wheezing for breath. 

Holtz’s eyes widened, pointing at the redhead emphatically: “Guys, look!”

 

Abby and Patty peered in. As the coughing fit grew more exaggerated, small wisps of green smoke curled out of Erin’s mouth on each hack. Her eyes were a pulsing swirl of green and blue, tortured expression indicative of an internal battle raging. 

 

“Oh my God,” Abby whispered in awe. “She’s kicking him out! Can she do that?”

 

For a fleeting moment, Rowan’s menacing growl gave way to Erin’s voice, which rasped out between hacking coughs from their spot on the floor: “Jill…trap… now…”

 

Holtz pushed past her friends, scrambling to the pile of wreckage Rowan had created, searching desperately for the empty ghost trap. She cried out in relief as her hands grasped the handle, wincing as her arm heaved it out of the mess, sliding it over toward’s Erin’s quivering form. 

 

Rowan gave one final roar as Erin cast him out, green smoke billowing from her mouth as he left his vessel. The cloud crackled in energy as Holtz scrambled to her feet, stumbling over to the waiting trap and slamming her foot on the pedal. 

 

Wind blew the women’s hair back as Rowan was sucked in violently, weakened state only able to give minimal resistance to the artificial vacuum. Finally, the last wisp of green smoke disappeared into the trap, and Holtz slammed it shut again, panting as the room quieted to a standstill. 

 

For a moment, the women said nothing, Patty and Abby processing the rushed series of events with expressions of shock on their face. Holtz, however, recovered more quickly, rushing to the woman on her knees in the center of the room. “Erin!” 

 

Holtz crouched down in front of her wife, holding her head in one hand as she smoothed red hair away from her sweaty, paling face. Unfocused eyes met hers, and Holtz wanted to sob in relief. They were blue. They were beautifully, wonderfully blue. 

“You’re hurt,” Erin mumbled with a scrap of coherence, fingertips brushing against the blossoming purple bruises on Holtz’s neck, bruises which matched the shape of her fingers perfectly.

“No, no, Erin, you saved me,” Holtz smiled at her tearfully, drawing Erin closer into her embrace, relief shaking through her whole body. “Look, the baby’s okay, we’re both okay, you did so good, baby.”

 

“Good,” Erin whispered through chapped lips, wet slightly by a weak cough of blood she gave. Holtz felt her relief wash away and be replaced with dread once more, as Erin’s eyelids drooped, her head slumping onto Holtz’s shoulder. 

 

“Erin?” she whispered, giving her wife’s shoulders a slight shake as she attempted to bring her back to consciousness. The world around her seemed to slow, and for a blessed minute, she didn’t feel what was happening. She didn’t feel Patty pick her up gently and drag her backwards from Erin.  She didn’t register Abby pressing on Erin’s stomach with a spare jumpsuit as she continued to lose blood through the wound in her side. She didn’t hear them screaming for Kevin to call an ambulance. 

 

Until she did. And she screamed, because this couldn’t be how it ended. 

 

It couldn’t be. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave your comments. 
> 
> Feel free to follow me @queerbioengineer on tumblr. 
> 
> :)


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the hospital

 

Patty was worried about Holtzmann. While Abby went with Erin in the ambulance, Patty was left to drive Holtzy to the hospital herself. 

 

Holtz had only agreed to remain behind and be examined by the EMTs under threat of sedation, having been near hysterical by the time they arrived. She had begged to be allowed to go with her wife, but Patty knew that she needed medical attention too, that she had been hurt in the fight with Erin-

 

Rowan, Patty chastised herself. The fight with Rowan. That distinction would be incredibly important in the hours to come, especially when dealing with the press. When the EMTs had asked Holtz if she wanted them to report the incident as a case of domestic violence, Patty had had to physically restrain the pregnant woman from tearing the man’s head off, as she screamed bloody murder at him for daring to say that about Erin. She had been shaking with silent sobs since then, when she finally gave up her assault on the well-intentioned man and collapsed into Patty’s arms. 

 

Patty felt sorry for the man, mostly because she felt ashamed of herself for thinking the same thing, a fact that she shielded from her tiny friend, who was staring blankly out the window in the passenger seat of the Ecto-1. There had been a small moment, not even half of a second, when she and Abby had first burst into the lab and saw Erin wielding a crowbar, with Holtz whimpering in pain on her knees. A small moment when she didn’t realize Erin was possessed, where she didn’t understand. And she had hated her. She had wanted to kill her for hurting Holtzy. 

 

Patty sniffled quietly. How could she have thought such a terrible thing about her friend? Erin had shanked herself to save Holtzy. She had exorcised a fucking ghost from her own damn body. She could be bleeding out at this very moment, and Patty would never be able to apologize for doubting her. 

 

When she stopped at a red light, Patty glanced over to the blonde sitting next to her, noting the streams of tears dripping onto her shirt slowly. Holtz’s face was screwed up in pain, lip trembling, as if she was ready to break at any moment. Her heart broke at the purple marks on Holtzy’s neck, at the bruising on her arm, which was clutched around her rounded stomach tightly, as if fearing that it was going to be taken away in an ambulance as well. Where her shirt was stained with Erin’s blood, Holtz’s fingers clutched at the fabric desperately, nail beds stained red from clutching at Erin desperately while she was strapped onto the stretcher. That was how Patty knew the pain in her expression wasn’t from being battered around by a ghost. 

Her legs were curled up next to her on the seat, and she looked incredibly small, incredibly alone. Patty placed a warm hand on Holtzy’s knee, rubbing it soothingly. “She’ll be alright, Holtzy,” Patty said, with what she hoped sounded somewhat like confidence. “She’s gonna be just fine.”

 

Holtz merely whimpered in response, maintaining her gaze out the window. Patty turned her attention back to the road, wiping her blurry eyes as she did so. Maybe Erin wouldn’t blame her for playing favorites in their relationship. Patty was pretty sure Erin understood that there was just something about her little friend that she couldn’t help wanting to protect.

 

—

 

“Abby! Where is she?” 

 

“She’s in surgery right now, okay? Holtz, just breathe with me, okay? You gotta stay calm.” 

 

Holtz was seriously struggling to do so as she stood in the waiting room, trembling like a tiny dog without a sweater. The knowledge that the love of her life was on the table as they spoke did not aid in quelling her waves of panic. “What did they say, how is she, Abby?"

 

“Well, the knife hit her liver, that’s why there’s so much blood, and they have to stop the bleeding-”

 

“Oh, God.” Holtz felt nauseous. She also felt dizzy. The room began spinning

 

“Hey, whoa, whoa, stay with us here, Holtz. Hey excuse me, can we get a nurse over here?"

 

Erin’s hurt. Erin’s dying. 

 

“This pregnant woman is gonna pass out, can I bother one of you numbskulls to do your job? Thank you!” 

 

Erin I can’t do this alone…

 

“Easy there, alright, lets get you checked out now…”

 

And everything went dark. 

 

—

 

Holtz woke up, hearing the beeping in the room before opening her eyes. She heard voices speaking around her. 

 

“-fetal heartbeat is strong, no signs of placental abruption-“ 

 

A nurse, maybe? She was still in the hospital, wasn’t she? Her heart jolted. Erin. 

 

“-bruising should heal in a couple weeks, keep her on bedrest at home for the next couple days-“ 

 

She had to get to Erin, she had to make sure she was okay. She had to get up. She heard the beeping noise in the room pick up speed, her own heartbeat betraying the thoughts in her head. 

 

“Well, it looks like someone’s awake.” 

 

That voice was different. Stiff. Familiar. A hint of amusement. 

 

“It’s quite alright, Jillian. I wouldn’t try to get up just yet.” 

 

Holtz opened her eyes, blinking a couple times to clear out the fog from her vision. She saw a tall woman standing by her bed, in an expensive wool coat, brown ringlets curled and placed delicately on top of her head in a much more refined version of Holtz’s own hairstyle. 

 

Holtz gave a bittersweet sigh. “Becca.” 

 

Rebecca Gorin rubbed Holtz’s small hand, laid carefully atop the hospital bed sheets. Her face was solemn, but Holtz was used to that. 

“I came as soon as Abigail called me. I have to say, this is not how I pictured I would first meet the little one.” 

 Holtz lay back in the bed rubbed her belly, a subconscious movement at this point. She choked up, remembering how she got here in the first place. “Is Erin-“

 

“Fine, Jillian. She’s asleep, but she ought to turn out alright. She did lose an awful lot of blood,” Rebecca commented as if speaking about the weather. “I suppose you ought to be glad you didn’t give her a larger blade.” 

 

Holtz let out a pathetically small whine, which quickly degraded into a sob as she buried her face in her hands, shaking terribly. “I-thought-she-was-dead,” she hiccuped out, scrunching up her knees to curl into a ball on the hospital bed, forehead touching her pregnant belly.  

 

Alarmed at the emotions suddenly pouring out of her younger ward, Rebecca looked left and right around the empty room before reaching a tentative hand towards Jillian’s head, before pulling it back, and then hesitantly patting her shoulder as if Holtz was a frightened horse. “There, there, oh... oh my…”

 

Holtz had thrown her arms around Rebecca’s shoulders, tears dripping onto the taller woman’s coat as the elder woman remained hunched over awkwardly in the hug, half-hoping for some form of escape. Erin may have been tall, but Rebecca’s height difference with Holtz was absolutely ridiculous. 

 

Sighing, tenderness leaking into the woman’s usually stony eyes, Rebecca wrapped her arms around the blonde, mindful of her rounded stomach. “Jillian, Erin is a strong woman.” She pulled back from the hug, pulling a handkerchief out of her pocket to dry the smaller woman’s shiny face with. Holtz sniffled, and Rebecca’s eyes darkened at the sigh of the marks on Jillian’s neck. “Perhaps a bit too strong.”

 

Holtz’s eyes widened, and she shook her head violently. “No, no, Becca, she didn’t, Erin didn't-“

 

“Yes, I know dear, Abigail told me everything” Rebecca hushed her. “And I already cleared matters up with the police. And I believe a certain Ms. Lynch will be ensuring that Erin’s reputation does not get unfairly tarnished. She has some strings to pull in the media.” Her brown eyes twinkled. “As do I.” 

 

Holtz sighed, resting her head on Rebecca’s ribcage as they sat up in the hospital bed together. “I’m glad you came.” 

 

Rebecca patted Holtz’s hand. “Despite what you may think at times, I do care for you like a daughter,” she pursed her lips. “And Erin, I suppose.” 

 

The corner of Holtz’s mouth twitched, as a hint of her devilish smile found its way back onto her face. “You’re gonna be a grandma,” she teased. 

 

Rebecca rolled her eyes. “Jillian, I am not actually your mother.”

 

“Yeah, except you really are, though.”

 

Rebecca sighed, glancing down towards her pupil, big blue eyes melting her as they always did. “Yes, I suppose I am.”

 

Holtz chuckled, before sobering up as she asked tentatively: “Did Erin’s parents-“

 

“No,” Rebecca said sourly. “They did not seem all too interested in seeing their estranged daughter. Abigail and Patricia have been keeping her company, as I told them I would take care of you just fine.” Rebecca rubbed Holtz’s back gently. 

 

Holtz sighed. “I wish I could go see her.” Even though she trusted Rebecca that Erin was alright, she needed to see it with her own two eyes. She needed to tell her… God, she didn’t even know what. 

 

Rebecca looked at the pouting young woman, raising an eyebrow. “Well lets go then.” 

 

Holtz frowned, gesturing vaguely to her stomach. “I thought the doctor said I was supposed to stay in bed.”

 

Rebecca stood up, brushing off her wool coat, the tiniest hint of a smirk playing at the edge of her tight lips. “The child is a Holtzmann. Sitting still might do it more harm than good.” She held out a hand for her pupil. 

 

Grinning widely, Holtz threw off her blanket with a cackle and took Rebecca’s hand. “Lezgo.”

 

 

—

 

“Holtz! How are you feeling?” Abby called out in a hushed voice as the two women snuck into the quiet room. She and Patty were sitting by the bed, reading over papers and charts that no doubt concerned Erin’s current state of health.

 

But Holtz didn’t answer. Her eyes were glued to the woman on the bed. Erin lay there, skin looking ghostly white in contrast to her bright red hair. Her hands were still stained red. Her eyelids looked sunken and dark. Beneath her hospital gown was a lump on her side, no doubt from a series of thick bandages. She was receiving a blood transfusion, nurse tinkering with the IV as they spoke. 

 

Holtz clamped her hand to her mouth as she approached the bedside. She had known Erin wouldn’t look great, and that she could’ve been so much worse off, but still-it was hard to see her like this. Her eyes began to water. 

 

“Is she-"

 

“Sleeping. The doctors gave her some meds to keep her under till tomorrow morning, so she won’t be in quite as much pain.”

 

“Good,” Holtz replied. She sat on the edge of the bed next to Erin, taking her slightly cool hand in her own. “Hi Er-bear. It’s me. Sorry to interrupt your nap, I just, wanted to say I love you, and you saved me, um” she placed Erin’s hand gently on her belly. “You saved us, actually, and we’re so happy you’re gonna be okay, and our family is okay, because of you, and I’ll be here when you get up. And I love you.” 

 

And with that, Holtz sat down in a chair to wait.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave your comments, and follow me @queerbioengineer on tumblr :)


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moment of truth: Erin waking up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a bit of a shorter chapter, but i like it :)

As Erin inched her way back into consciousness, she felt waves of pain washing over her. Dull at first, it seemed to be stemming from the heavy mass pressed down on her side. The pain ebbed in and out, growing in intensity on each cycle, causing Erin to groan in exhaustion. Everything hurt. Her head was aching and buzzing so intensely, like she had downed 5 energy drinks and then taken a swan dive into an empty swimming pool. Whatever she had done, she thought hazily, it had completely drained her of energy, down to the subatomic level. Even opening her eyes seemed like an impossible feat, which is why she was steadfastly abstaining from doing so at this time. 

 

Erin whined a little more, becoming very much annoyed at whatever had scrambled up the contents of her brain so much, and at the noises that were now sneaking their way into her head. Outside noises, presumably from wherever the heck she was. But she had to get her thoughts straight, she thought. Didn’t she? She was feeling kinda… loopy, all of a sudden. It was sorta nice, especially since the pain was hurting a lot less. 

A quiet chuckle escaped her lips, which drew even more attention from her surrounding.

 She registered a beeping noise. Hm. Beeping. An image of a white room entered her mind. She had…gotten hurt? Gone to the hospital? Hm, okay. 

 She attempted a blink of her eyes, only to see a crazy blur of colors blinding her retinas. She snapped them back shut. Bad idea Erin. 

Her name was Erin, right? Yes, she was pretty sure. She did… some kind of science stuff. It would come back to her. After another nap, maybe. 

She was just beginning to dose off again when she heard a new sound. It was warm, and soft, and just gently lilting. It sounded like a song. Erin loved it immediately. She wanted to see where that came from. 

 

Erin tried opening her eyes again, blinking several times to clear out the blurry fog. Her eyes were still swirling uncontrollably out of focus, but she concentrated as much as she could, piecing together little bits of an image while her head spun. It seemed to be a person, sitting next to her. She saw blonde hair, and-and a pretty nose. And lips. And eyes. And hands. Erin squinted a little bit. It was a woman, yes? A woman. A pretty woman, talking to her. She was the one singing to her. Or talking. Erin couldn’t quite tell. She should say something to her, Erin thought. She’s sitting next to me, I can’t be rude. 

 

“Hi,” Erin said, putting a lot of effort into pronouncing the word very clearly. The woman flinched a little, startling in her seat. Erin frowned at that. In retrospect, she might have accidentally shouted it at her. “Sorry,” she mumbled, hoping the woman wasn’t upset. 

 

“It’s okay, Erin.” Erin smiled a little dopily. There was the nice voice again. She knew her name. She must work here, Erin assumed, my nurse or something. Time to try talking again, you can do this, Erin. 

 

“Arrre you my nuurrrse?” Erin slurred, with a vague gesture at the woman. As she spoke, the blonde's face came into focus a little more. “Ooh, pretty,” Erin observed aloud, frowning as other less interesting noises reacted in the room around her. She didn’t care about those right now. All she could focus on was the nurse in the chair. 

 

The face of the nurse in question crinkled a little. “What’s that, Erin?” Erin pouted as she turned away to another person, her brain firing into overdrive to process: white coat-clipboard-nametag-doctor. A flat, drab, boring voice spewing words like “normal” and "temporary.” She grumbled, and wished the pretty nurse would talk to her more. 

“I said you’re pretty,” Erin said both suddenly and matter-of-factly into the room, smiling as the blonde turned back to her. “I got the pretty nurse,” she mumbled happily. The woman was smiling now. Erin really liked that smile. 

 

The nurse put her hand on Erin’s arm, which made Erin smile too. “I’m not your nurse, sweetie,” she said softly, still smiling widely in a way that made Erin’s stomach dance. “I’m your wife.” 

 

Erin narrowed her eyes in confusion. What was the lady saying? Was she still talking to Erin? “Huh?”

 

“I’m your wife, Erin,” the woman repeated, stroking Erin’s arm gently. Her hands were so small and warm. Erin’s eyes bugged out of her head as this new information was revealed to her. 

 

“Whaaaat?” Erin gasped, staring at the woman in her bright, shiny blue eyes as she looked her up and down, the eccentric clothing and the  golden hair and every flawless feature of her causing far too many synapses in her brain to explode upon this revelation. “We’re MARRIED?”

 

The blonde woman smiled even wider, as the cutest little dimples came to life on her cheeks. “Yes, we sure are.”

 

Erin sputtered at her, still reeling in shock. “You’re my WIFE?” She gasped again, eyes poring over every inch of the woman who was now visibly holding back laughter. “But, but-“ she met the strange woman’s exquisite baby blues once more. “You’re so BEAUTIFUL! Oh my GOD, WHAT? Just- HOW?”  

 

A rich, golden peal of laughter burst from the blonde woman’s lips- her wife’s lips???- and dear God, Erin could listen to that all day. It was full of life, and emotions that she couldn’t quite place, and there were pearly tears dripping down the blonde’s face as she laughed and laughed. 

 

Erin was undeterred by this curious reaction, as she continued to vocalize her thought process to the world. “Oh my God, I can’t believe it, I hit the jackpot. You’re my wife, and you look like an angel,” she babbled, and the woman was blushing deep pink now, the flush spreading all the way up her cheeks to the rims of her strange yellow glasses, and others in the room were laughing but Erin didn’t care. Her eyes landed on the woman’s torso, drinking in every curve and edge and inch of the angel’s body. There were lots of curves. Lots and lots of them. Wait a minute.

 

Erin gasped loudly, and for a moment the room was silent, as Erin leaned in with a serious expression to the pretty woman who was now leaning onto the hospital bed. Erin pointed at the woman’s round, pregnant belly and whispered with wide eyes: “Did I do that?”

 

The room erupted in laughter once more, and between fits of giggles, the blonde woman nodded her assent to a baffled, loopy Erin. “Yes, Erin. We’re having a baby.”

 

Erin’s jaw dropped. “I’m gonna be a DAD? No way!!” The laughter only grew more uproarious around her, but she had all but tuned it out since waking up to this angel. She put both her hands on the woman’s stomach, mumbling “baby, baby, baby” as she rubbed it gently. It was so warm and nice. Babies were nice.  

When she was done distracting herself with that, she looked up at this beautiful stranger with so much wonder and awe. “Do we love each other?” 

The blonde lady nodded tearfully, suddenly yanking Erin in for a tight hug and a kiss on the top of Erin’s hair. “More than anything, baby. I’m so glad you’re okay.” 

 

Erin frowned, looking at the lady. “You’re too pretty to be crying.” She leaned in to kiss the tear off of the blonde’s cheek, but her lips landed on the woman’s chin instead. She tried again, aiming more carefully, but only ended up hitting the pretty lady’s nose this time. “Oh, shoot,” Erin mumbled. 

 

The woman chuckled, before taking Erin’s face in her hands and gently pressing her lips against hers. The moment their lips touched, Erin felt like she was melting into the hospital bed mattress. She had never felt a softer pair of lips on hers, or one that tasted sweeter and more like home. When they broke apart, the love in the blonde woman’s eyes was unmistakable, even to Erin’s drugged up brain. 

 

 She smiled, yawning as she closed her eyes and fell back onto the mattress with the blond woman still in her arms. “I’m gon-gonna take a nap with my supermodel wife, so you can all-“ she gestured vaguely to the blurry side of the room- “leave us now.” 

 

As she heard the beautiful peal of laughter once more, she snuggled into the woman’s embrace, scootching her legs awkwardly over the edge of the bed to make room for the blonde’s pregnant belly. She faded off to sleep with a small hand combing through her hair, scratching her scalp as she drifted off to sleep once more…

 

\---

 

Patty shook her head at the redhead knocked out against Holtz’s shoulder in the cramped hospital bed. “That is, without a doubt, the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.” 

 

Holtz was still gazing lovingly down at her snoring, endearing wife, stroking her hair with a stupid grin on her face. “Shut up, Patty.” 

 

Patty chuckled. “I don’t suppose I can convince you to go home and get some rest now?”

 

“Not a chance in Hell.” 

 

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave your comments!
> 
> Follow me on tumblr @queerbioengineer


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's no place like home for the holidays <3

Holtz had been fully intending to stay with Erin the entire time that she was in the hospital. Alas, a higher power had other ideas for her.

 

“Jillian, it’s three in the morning, you are going home and getting some sleep,” Rebecca had stated, as the blonde sat curled up in a chair next to Erin’s bed. The color had, thankfully, returned to Erin’s skin, and the nurse who changed the first dressing said that the wound looked like it would heal without much complications over the next month or two. Since her brief bout of consciousness, Erin had been fast asleep for hours. While she hadn’t sustained any head injuries, it had apparently taken a great deal of energy to overthrow Rowan’s hold on her body, leaving the redhead thoroughly worn out in addition to her sensitive wound. 

“But what if she wakes up again,” Holtz whined. When she glanced over at Rebecca, however, she knew any arguing would be in vain. She was on the receiving end of the glare that made her duck back into her college dorm to study with her tail between her legs, after one too many nights of playing with semi-legal explosives in the quad. 

 

“Jillian,” Rebecca repeated firmly, Holtz wincing at the drop of her first name, which only she and Erin got to use. “Your colleagues will be in the waiting room, there is no need for you to be here too.” She gently pulled Holtz up and out of the uncomfortable hospital chair, Holtz sighing in resignation as she reached for her army jacket. 

“Yes, I know. You’re right.” Holtz buttoned up her coat and blew her greasy hair out of her face with a puff, glancing up to see Rebecca giving her a strange look. Holtz rolled her eyes in exasperation, waving her arms. “What, what is it now, Becca?” 

 

“Nothing, I just-“ the older woman paused, before adding with a note of surprise. “I expected more of an altercation over this matter.”

 

Holtz tried to look offended at the implication, but the corner of her mouth was twitching. “Yeah, well-“ she glanced downward, “-things change, I guess. Gotta take care of myself now.”

 

Rebecca smiled, wrapping an arm around her young ward and leading her out the door. “At the risk of sounding…sentimental, I might say motherhood looks good on you.” The older scientist immediately grimaced. “Apologies, that was cloyingly saccharine. I regret saying anything.” She handed Holtz a packet of papers from her purse. “Here. Your discharge papers, along with your latest ultrasound results, you’ll need to read those-” 

 

“Yeah, yeah, okay, lets get back to you thinking I’m a mature adult now?”

 

“I never said that, nor will I ever.”

 

Holtz prodded Rebecca in the side as they left the hospital room arm-in-arm, teasing her: “So do you wanna be called Nana, or Granny?”

 

“Don’t think I won’t still end you, Jillian.” 

 

—

 

For all of her idle threats, Rebecca spent the next day mothering Holtz into oblivion. Holtz felt like she was sent back in time to when she was just a kid working on her doctorate at 18 years old, and Dr. Gorin was the only one who cared enough to keep her from working herself to death. After they both got a respectable amount of sleep, Rebecca spent the day preparing dinner for that night, filling the house with the delicious smell of latkes, brisket, and fresh doughnuts in preparation for sundown, while Holtz rested on the couch watching mindless television in a cocoon of blankets, with a mug of cocoa in hand. Despite the comfort she had attempted to create in the small apartment, Rebecca could tell that the blonde’s heart was somewhere outside these four walls. Holtzmann normally would’ve been off the walls in anticipation of the first night of the festival, trying to taste everything she cooked as soon as it was out of the oven of Rebecca's old condo off-campus. Alas, she was quiet all day, only getting up to eat and use the bathroom, and only speaking to thank Rebecca for taking care of her. It wasn’t like her at all. 

 

Around 3:00 PM, Rebecca chanced another glance towards the petulant engineer in the living room, sighing when she saw she hadn’t moved in the last hour. She shucked off her apron, stalking over to Holtz with a stern look on her face. That was quite long enough for her to be pouting.

 

“We’re supposed to be celebrating, you know.” She tapped her foot expectantly.

 

Holtz didn’t look up at her mentor. “It’s not the same without Erin.” She sunk deeper into her blankets, obscuring her face from view.

 

Rebecca rolled her eyes. Honestly, with the dramatics. “Well, aren’t you at least excited to give her your...news?” 

 

Holtz poked the top of her head out of her cocoon, furrowed eyebrows and yellow lenses making her appear like an insect emerging from a cave. “What are you talking about?”

 

Rebecca frowned, giving a sigh of exasperation when she saw the neglected folder on the coffee-table. “Oh, Jillian. You never did do the recommended reading, you stubborn imp.” 

 

—

 

“Abby, stop fussing, I’m fine!” 

 

“Sure, you say that now, but then your stitches pop, and who gets to clean up the blood? That’s right, me! So come here-” 

 

“No, Abby, Abby don’t-really? Okay, this is happening.”

 

Erin grumbled as Abby carried her bridal-style up the stairs to her and Holtz’s apartment complex, which the shorter physicist was apparently able to do with surprising ease.

 

“Geez, do I even weigh anything to you?”

 

“Nope. It’s like holding a couple of grapes.” 

 

Erin couldn’t complain, though. Rebecca had been texting Abby updates on Holtzmann’s moping all day. Knowing how much it meant to Holtz that Erin was home for the holidays, Abby had browbeaten the doctor into giving her an early discharge, provided she stay on bedrest for the next two weeks. Erin vaguely remembered seeing Holtz in the hospital, but now that she was fully lucid, she wanted to see with her own two eyes that Holtz was okay, that she and the baby were home and safe. That was all that mattered right now. 

 

Abby set Erin down in the foyer gently, and bid her goodbye as she rode the elevator up to surprise her wife. When the doors closed, the tired smile fell from Erin’s face, the happy facade too hard to maintain in solitude.

 

 As the floor numbers blinked by, counting down the seconds until she was no longer alone, Erin couldn’t help but wonder if Holtz would be afraid of her when she saw her again. A shiver ran through her as memories of the ordeal crept back into her mind. The things she had said to Holtzmann, the things she had done… She wished she could forget it all. She cursed the universe for making her conscious through all of it, for making Rowan hold her mind captive as he brutalized her lover with her own two hands.

 

She wrung her hands, squeezing her eyes shut tight as she tried to forget it. Tried to forget how her hands had clutched Holtz’s throat. How Holtz had begged for mercy. How she had almost…almost…

 

The doors opened. Erin opened her eyes, halfway into a full-blown panic now. She should turn back. She shouldn’t be here. Holtz wouldn’t want to see her, she was probably still terrified. She had every right to be. Erin should just ride the elevator back down and leave her poor wife alone.

 

But dammit, Erin was selfish. She wanted Holtz’s comfort, her familiar warmth, even if only for a second before Holtz told her to get out, to not come back. She just had to see her. So, against what she was sure was her better judgement, she stepped out of the elevator and walked slowly to their front door. She hesitate a moment, before giving the quietest of knocks. 

 

A few moments of silence. Then, the door swung opened, revealing Holtz, smiling in friendly greeting at what she most certainly expected to be carolers or something of the like. Erin lost her breath for a moment. Holtz was glowing. Though perhaps that had something to do with the hundreds of mini fairy lights that appeared to have been strung across the living room behind her, bathing the entire apartment in warm incandescence. Music played quietly inside, and the smell of delicious food curled its way out into the hallway, beckoning anyone within shouting distance inside.

 

But no, Erin knew it wasn’t just the apartment. Holtz was immaculate. Her hair was down in gentle golden waves, a gentle blush dusted her cheeks in rose pink, and the blue dress draped over her perfectly full frame was of the same shade that Erin saw each night in her dreams, cerulean pools of joy and exuberance that met Erin’s eyes now. 

 

Erin held her breath, waiting for the moment that this radiant woman she had loved for so long to retreat in fear, to see the light in her eyes turn steely as she slammed the door in Erin’s face. 

 

But the moment never came.

 

For the second Holtz saw Erin, bedraggled and tired and in pain, but Erin nonetheless, she lost her breath too. And she threw her arms around Erin, yanking her into the most desperate kiss they had shared in years. They clung to each other like lifelines, lips pulling and pressing and pushing and gasping breathlessly until they finally drew back to look at each other properly. Holtz was smiling like the best present she could’ve ever gotten had just fallen right into her lap. 

 

Erin took shaky breaths, tears rolling down her cheeks as she gently touched the purple, yellowing bruises on Holtz’s neck. “Jill, I’m so sorry-“ her voice cracked.

 

“It’s okay, Erin it’s okay, you’re home now.” Holtz kissed her tears away, as Erin had done for her before, closing her eyes to savor this moment of her wife come home. Here, with them. 

 

“No, I hurt you, Jilly I can’t-“

 

“Erin,” Holtz glanced upwards and stilled her with a look, the no-nonsense-listen-up sort of look that she had learned from an old friend. “None of that was you. Except for the piece where you saved our lives. And then you were hurt. And now you’re home, and now you’re here, and that is literally the best thing that has ever happened ever, and I’m not gonna let you ruin it by blaming yourself for something you didn’t do."

 

Erin sniffled, wiping her tears away. “God, Jill, I just feel so stupid. I thought you’d never want to see me again.” She hid her face in Holtz’s neck. 

 

Holtz’s composure crumbled, squeezing Erin tightly in her arms as she tried to say everything in a hug that she couldn’t say with words. After what seemed like an eternity, Erin relaxed, wrapping Holtz up just as tightly, wanting nothing more than to never let go of her again. 

 

When they broke apart, Holtz smiled her thousand-watt smile, the one that she gave Erin that made her feel like she was the sun, everything that had ever kept her world in motion, that warmed her to the core when she thought she’d never feel happy again. And somehow, after all that had happened, Erin was here, actively and perpetually in love with this woman who had given her everything, absolutely everything. 

 

Their moment was broken by a dry harrumph: “Sundown waits for no one, ladies. I believe we have a menorah to light.” 

 

Erin had forgotten about the Doctor Gorin in the room. 

 

Holtz gasped aloud. “Becca, I forgot my blowtorch!” 

 

Erin chuckled quietly as she walked with Holtz to the window. “Maybe that’s for the best, dear. I'll get some matches.” 

 

“Nonsense, Doctor Gilbert, I brought my own.”

 

“Wait, you-“

 

“What kind of self-respecting woman doesn’t have a blowtorch?” 

 

\---

 

“Wow, Reb- Doctor Gorin, that was absolutely delicious.” 

 

Erin was impressed. She and Holtz had put on some decent holiday dinners the past couple of years, but she could see where Holtz had learned her cooking skills from. The three woman were thoroughly stuffed, even she among them who took the phrase “eating for two” quite literally. Holtz couldn’t stop smiling all night, holding Erin’s hand across the table as they enjoyed the soft white lights and surprisingly gentle music in the background. Erin supposed it was Dr. Gorin’s own music, as Holtz’s holiday mix-tape just consisted of 3 hours of Adam Sandler’s Hanukkah song on repeat .

 

Rebecca’s eyes twinkled as she took another sip of wine. “It was the least I could do. You two have been through a lot, and I would be.. remiss if I didn’t ensure you were adequately taken care of. ” 

 

Holtz winked at her mentor as she bit into another doughnut. “She means she loves us, Er-Bear.” 

 

Rebecca narrowed her eyes as Holtz, but said nothing as she took another sip of wine. 

 

Erin giggled at her wife’s antics, before turning to the older woman. “Well for what it’s worth, Dr. Gorin, Jillian and I consider you to be family, so please never be a stranger here. Our home is your home.” 

 

Rebecca cracked a small smile, before starting and turning to reach for something in her bag. “Ah yes, that reminds me-“ She pulled out an envelope, handing it to Erin with very little flourish. “A small gift, for the two of you.” 

 

Erin blinked. “Oh, um, that’s so thoughtful of you, Rebecca, I’m sorry if I had known you were coming-“ her nervous tittering faded out as she unfolded the papers in the envelope, reading and re-reading the sentences on the paper before her. “I-Rebecca I don’t…” she mumbled, flipping through the papers over and over again. 

 

Holtz snickered from across the table. “Becca, I think you broke her.”

 

Rebecca rolled her eyes as she poured herself another glass of merlot. “Honestly, Doctor Gilbert, it’s a small property, I hardly ever used it, so nothing to make a fuss about.“

 

“You… bought us a townhouse,” Erin said quietly, eyes widened as she was still a bit unsure if this was a joke. 

 

“Well, technically I’m regifting- Oof, alright, well there’s no need for that…”

 

Rebecca grumbled as Erin forcefully imparted a crushing hug upon her, until Holtz had to pull the redhead off of the poor woman with a laugh. 

 

“Let’s not kill her after she gave us this nice gift, shall we, Er-Bear?”

 

Erin finally sat back down in her seat, with Holtz plopping herself down in her lap, arms around her neck cozily as she snuggled into her wife with a happy sigh. 

 

“You’re gonna have to work pretty hard to top that gift, Jilly,” Erin teased quietly, as Rebecca excused herself to the bathroom. 

 

Holtz raised an eyebrow. “Oh, am I?”

 

“Yes, I think you are.” 

 

Holtz fixed Erin with a very peculiar look, before reaching a hand into her cleavage and pulling out a folded up piece of paper. She bit her lip, fumbling the paper nervously between her fingers.

 

“So um…” Holtz said slowly. “You know how I’m really good at hide and seek?” 

 

Erin furrowed her eyebrows. 

 

“Well, that talent might be…genetic..” Holtz stared into Erin’s confused blue eyes, hoping she would get it. She didn’t. 

 

Finally giving in, Holtz unfolded the paper, holding it out for Erin to see. At first, Erin wasn’t sure what she was looking at. 

 

Another ultrasound? 

 

Then she saw it. 

 

 

 

“…twins?” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave your comments! <3 
> 
> Follow me on tumblr @queerbioengineer


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How could a whole baby go unnoticed for so long? Or did it??
> 
> Later, Holtz goes to the police. 
> 
> AKA, the one with a thousand crossovers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to @rootproxy for the amazing artwork!!! I'm in love!!!
> 
> (this chick is awesome, for realzies)

_ About 3 months earlier: _

 

 

“Hello, is this the….Ghostbusters?”

 

“No, this is Kevin.” 

 

Kevin poked at a rubber band ball at his desk and sighed out of boredom. Holtzmann was up in the lab doing something fun and cool without him, while he was stuck answering the phones. Not to mention the three other bosses were out fighting a ghost in Queens. 

Kevin pouted. Why did he have to be the one that stayed at the office all day, answering phones?

His eyes fell on a brightly-colored sticky note, stuck to the top of his computer with Erin’s neat handwriting on it:

 

** YOU ARE THE RECEPTIONIST!!!  **

**  :) **

 

Kevin nodded. Right, that was his job. He tuned back into the thick Staten Island accent droning into the telephone. 

 

“Actually, this is Dr. Castellano from Schulman’s Women’s Health Associates, calling for Dr. Holtzmann? I have some information regarding her latest appointment-“

 

“Wait, you’re a doctor?” Kevin dropped his rubber band ball in surprise. 

 

“Um, yes? I’m sorry, who is this? I’m calling for Jillian-”

 

“Kevin. But you’re a man, right? I thought all doctors had to be women.”

 

“What? That doesn’t even make any-“

 

“Well Holtz is a doctor, and Erin’s a doctor, and Abby’s a doctor…” Kevin listed off thoughtfully, before pausing. “Wait. Is Patty a doctor?”

 

“Sir, I don’t know who ‘Patty' is.” 

 

“Well, she’s really smart, so she must be a doctor.” Kevin smiled, satisfied with his answer. “Can I be a doctor?”

 

Silence. And then: “Sure, buddy. Now can I please-“

 

“Great! Wait, if I’m gonna be a doctor, then I need to go get my saxophone-“

 

“HEY!” Kevin threw a hand over his eyes as the man shouted into the telephone. “I need to talk to Jillian Holtzmann, you airhead. God almighty.” 

 

“Alright, no need to be rude,” Kevin muttered, before shouting towards the stairs. “HOLTZ, DOCTOR CANNELLONI IS ON THE PHONE FOR YOU!” 

 

“TAKE A MESSAGE, I’VE GOT A SMALL POOF GONE MEDIUM UP HERE,” Holtz yelled back. Alarms started blaring as the Firehouse lights flickered on and off. 

 

Kevin turned back to the receiver, ignoring the glow of the Firehouse’s emergency lights bathing his desk in red . “Yeah, she’s in the bathroom.”

 

“You realize I could hear all of that-is that a fire alarm?” the voice sighed. “Listen, just give her my congratulations and all that ‘cause we found two healthy heartbeats, even though one didn’t show up on the-” A feminine voice in the background started cheering. “What-Mindy I’m on the phone, could you please-"

 

Kevin nodded, tuning the man out. Two heartbeats was good. That meant Holtz was alive, and the baby was alive. “Okay, I’ll tell her. Is there anything else?”

 

“Just that she should-“ the phone cut off as the firehouse went dark, all the alarms and emergency lights shutting down with a whir. 

 

Kevin tapped the phone on the desk a couple times. “Sir?” He shrugged and placed the phone back in the receiver by the light of the midday sun streaming through the windows. He must’ve hung up. 

 

“The power should be back on in a few minutes, Kev.” Kevin looked up as Holtz came jogging down the stairs, sweat soaking through her tank top as she wiped a hand across her red face. Her forearms were covered in grease, and her hair had doubled in volume. “And if they don’t, well…” She panted as she pulled her tank top up and over her slight bump to get some air on her skin. “Then we might die. No biggy. Hey, don’t tell Erin about this, okay?” She gestured vaguely to the dark firehouse. 

 

“Tell her what?”

 

“Exactly. Who was that on the phone?” 

 

“Oh, um, that was Doctor Tortellini. He wanted me to tell you that you and the baby were both alive.” 

 

Holtz nodded, lips upturned in slight confusion. “Well… I guess that is the goal.” She glanced at Kevin. “You’re sure that’s what he said?”

 

Kevin went over it in his head again. Two heartbeats, that’s what the man-doctor had said. “Yep, absolutely.” 

 

The lights started back up in the Firehouse. Holtz clapped her hands and cackled in appreciation. “Woohoo! Not today, Satan!” She strolled over to Kevin’s swear-jar and pulled out a handful of bills. “C’mon, Kev. If this doesn’t call for a McFlurry, then I don’t know what does.” 

 

Kevin’s eyes brightened, and he leapt up out of his chair to give Holtz a piggyback downstairs. 

 

\---

 

_ Present Day:  _

 

Detective Jake Peralta’s morning hadn’t gotten off to an amazing start. 

 

With Amy out of town visiting her dad, no one had been there to wake him up at what his girlfriend dubbed “a reasonable hour.” By the time he woke up, he was already running hella late, which would most certainly not sit well with Captain Holt. But hey, Captain Holt loved him. Secretly. Probably. 

 

And stopping for a breakfast burrito hadn’t helped his timeliness either, he supposed. But hey, they were like 0% fat, according to the vendor. And a grown man like Jake needed a healthy breakfast. 

 

After succeeding in only getting a little smudge of hot sauce on his tie, he was almost in the 99th precinct, sitting at his desk, before the 9:00 AM mark. That is, until his undyingly loyal best friend Detective Charles Boyle ran up to him at the elevator, and proceeded to smack the burrito out of his hand with a dramatic flair. 

 

“What the hell, Boyle?” Jake exclaimed. “Is this about my cholesterol again, because you really need to stop stealing my medical records.” 

 

Charles sighed, grabbing a napkin from the kitchenette to blot at the stain on Jake’s tie. “First of all, Amy has them in a binder, so it’s not that hard. And I can’t have my best friend dying of a heart attack on me! We’re supposed to die together, after we’ve grown old, holding hands while our cruise ship slowly takes on water-“

 

Jake tossed his hands up in exasperation. “That’s Titanic, Charles.” 

 

“Life imitates art. And second of all, you’re the one who’s put my 5 year plan for you and Amy’s relationship in danger with your midnight dalliances!” Charles shot him an accusatorial look, as he spoke to him in a hushed whisper. “You’re supposed to be America’s dream couple!"

 

Jake sighed at Charles, glancing around to make sure their silent robot-captain wasn’t sneaking up on them, catching him for being late. “What are you talking about? And wait- you have a 5 year plan for our relationship?”

 

“Never mind that!” Charles waved him off, still gesticulating wildly as the two men remained huddled near the bullpen elevator. “Oh Jake, how could you do it? I’ve been pressuring for you and Amy to have a baby for months-“

 

“Still super creepy, by the way, that has not changed-“ 

 

“-And then you go and knock up some Manhattan floozy?!”

 

Jake narrowed his eyes at Charles. “Whoa, whoa, what? Charles, I would never cheat on Amy. If anything, she’d cheat on me with Will Shortz, but that’s her celebrity hall pass.” 

 

“Is that the crossword puzzle editor for the New York Times?”

 

“Yeah, don’t get her started on that. Wait, no, Charles, who do you think I knocked up?” 

 

Charles pointed sharply into the bullpen, hissing angrily at Jake. “There’s a been a woman with child sitting at your desk for the last hour, gestating like crazy! She said you might want to meet the next two members of your bloodline! Jake, if my god children are going to be bastards, well I just don’t know what I’ll do with myself.” 

 

Jake peered over at his desk, to see the woman in question, who was slouched in his rolly-chair with her feet up on his desk. Blonde hair. Yellow glasses. Long gray lab coat and a “one of the boys" crop top she bought in the 11th grade, out of which a very round stomach protruded. She was (illegally) rifling through some of his case files, muttering “did it” or “didn’t do it,” while Sergeant Terry Jeffords glanced over disapprovingly. 

 

Jake’s face lit up, laughing as he strolled over to his desk, leaving a befuddled Charles in his wake. “Hey, Holtzy!” 

 

Holtzmann looked up with a mischevious grin, as she took her feet off the desk. “What up, little cuz?”

 

“Holtz, I’m older than you.”

 

“Eh, only technically.” Holtz stood up to meet Jake in an enthusiastic bro-hug, Jake tousling her hair as she attempted to steal his badge off of him.

 

Charles looked back and forth between the two with confusion. “Jake, what’s happening?”

 

Jake threw an arm around the small woman’s shoulders. “Charles, this is my little cousin Jill. She has the coolest job ever, she’s a Ghostbuster! Which reminds me,” he turned to mutter quietly to Holtzmann. “You didn’t bring any explosives to the precinct with you this time, did you?”

 

Holtz made a “wha-wha” sound, wincing as she did so. “Define ‘explosives'…” 

 

“Haha, she’s kidding! Everyone, she’s kidding.” Jake smiled innocently at Terry, who was not buying it at all. 

 

“And Holtz, this is my friend Charles, who thought you were, uh-“

 

“Jake’s illicit lover in the nighttime turned baby momma.”

 

“Yes thank you, Charles,” Jake cut him off with a glare. 

 

Holtz merely chuckled at that. “I think not, Chuck. Even if I were not Jake’s cousin, I am-“ she swiped a megaphone off of a nearby desk and sang into it, making everyone nearby wince “-gaaaaay as heeeellllllll!” 

 

Jake snatched the megaphone out of her hands, placing it back on Rosa’s desk with an apologetic smile. Holtz nodded at Charles. “You know. If you couldn’t tell from the... everything about me.” 

 

Charles merely smiled and shook his head. “What? You don’t look gay. I dated so many girls in high school who looked just like you!” 

 

Neither Jake nor Holtz said anything, merely wincing as Charles face fell slightly. “Oh. I see what happened.” 

 

“Aw. Buddy.” Holtz patted his shoulder before turning to Jake. “So, can I talk to you? Privately?”

 

Jake nodded. “Yeah, it’s probably best Captain Holt doesn’t see you here, I’m not sure you’d get along-“

 

“Oh I already met him. He said I looked big, like a mighty truck.”

“Oh that’s nice.”

 

“I want to be his best friend now.”

 

\---

 

Thankfully, the break room was empty, and Holtz promptly flopped down heavily on the couch as Jake tried not to stare at his cousin’s large stomach. Did the twins have to fight for room? Ooh, Mega-Twin Showdown. Jake would watch that show.

 

“So Holtz, how are you doing…um, vaginally?”

 

“Surprisingly tight, but that’s not why I’m here.”

 

“Oookay, I regret asking. But shoot.” 

 

“Well, as you know, we have recently discovered that I am having not one, but two babies. A fact that is stressing Erin the hell out.”

 

 Jake was surprised. Holtz’s wife was usually so put together, like Amy. “What? But twins are great. It’s like getting a two-for-one on orange soda. Isn’t that better?” 

 

“That’s what I said!” Holtz frowned, crossing her arms over her belly. “I mean she’s happy about it, but I can tell she’s worried that we can’t handle it. She’s not sleeping well, she keeps researching the cost of raising two kids at once…” 

 

“What? They can’t be that expensive, their clothes are so tiny.”

 

“Right? Anyways, she won’t talk to me about it, because she’s too worried about me getting stressed, and that affecting the babies... And now the doctor won’t let her off of bedrest because her blood pressure is so high.” Holtz’s watery blue eyes implored Jake. “I’m worried about her.” 

 

Jake nodded, processing the information. He didn’t know all the details of the Ghostbuster’s most recent call to the police, but he knew Erin Gilbert had been injured.

 He glanced down at his little cousin. The two of them had been best friends growing up. After his aunt and uncle had died in a car crash, Karen Peralta had taken in Jillian, looking after her for the few years until she could leave for MIT at 14 years old on a full scholarship. She had always been a wild card, and had certainly given his mother some hell. But Jake couldn’t help but think of her protectively as the little sister he never had. His crazy genius, law-bending, lesbian little sister who somehow knew how to get out of handcuffs at age 11. 

 

“Hey, listen.” Jake brought out his serious voice, which he saved for the few times in his day when he had to get real with someone. “Erin’s gonna be okay, you know why? Because she’s got you.” He threw an arm around Holtz who sniffled a little into his shoulder as she scootched closer on the couch. She mumbled something into his sweatshirt. 

“What’s that?”

“I said that’s gay.”

 

Jake snorted. “Stop it.”

Holtz smiled slightly. “Sorry.” 

 

Jake’s face lit up, as something occurred to him. “I think I know someone who can make Erin feel a little more relaxed about the twins thing.” 

 

He put on his best “cute” smile before running across break room and poking his head out the door. “Hey Teeeerrryyyy?” 

 

—

 

Erin was on the couch, sighing at her laptop as if it would make the numbers on the screen go away. Preschool waitlists, medical expenses, daycare facilities… all doubled. And the mess, God, two tiny children running around the house, plus her happy-go-lucky wife? It was all too much. 

 

Erin closed her eyes, rubbing her temples as she felt a migraine coming on. She felt so guilty for diving headfirst into her anxiety like this. She should be the one taking care of Jillian right now, not the other way around! Yet here she was, confined to bedrest for the third week in a row, forcing both herself and her wife to stay home from work. How were Patty and Abby managing without her? Was she putting too much of a burden on Jill? When would she get cleared for work again?

 

The questions rolled through her mind like a cinema reel, endlessly adding to the pounding in her head. She had to soak up all this stress like a sponge for Holtz, or else she’d risk hurting their baby-babies- even further. What a mess. 

 

Erin startled as she heard the door fly open, shutting her laptop quickly as Holtz flew by her like a whirlwind and stalked over to kneel by the DVD player. “Oh Jill, hi, um how was your-“ Holtz tossed an object behind her, landing with a thump in her blanket-covered lap as she called out “Brought you a present, babe!” 

 

“-day? Jilly, where did you…” Erin turned the object over in her lap, reading the name on the police badge before groaning. “Jillian, did you steal this from your cousin again? He could arrest you for that, you know.” 

 

“Ha! I’d like to see him try. Anyway, my present has a part two, take a look.” Holtz grunted in effort, shifting her unevenly balanced weight back and forth before standing up and stumbling away from the DVD player. She gestured to the screen excitedly. “Look!”

 

Erin squinted at the TV screen. It looked like someone’s home video. It started with a large, muscular man sitting next to a sleeping woman in a hospital bed. In his arms, he cradled two tiny bundles in his arms. He introduced them to the camera as Cagney and Lacey. Erin’s face softened as she looked at the man’s face. He was crying, sniffing as he tried not to let his tears drip onto the newborn babies. He looked so happy. 

 

The screen cut to the same man, who appeared to be at home. The babies looked several months old, and he was struggling to change both of them as they each cried for attention. At one point, the woman holding the camera placed it down on the bed, and cradled one of the girls while the man struggled to work the straps of the diapers. Between the two of them, they finally figured it out, and were tired and sweaty by the time the girls were placed back in their cribs. The two of them collapsed on the bed, falling asleep with the camera still rolling. 

 

Erin watched in rapt attention as the video took them through the twin girls’ early years. Smiling when they said their first words. Aw-ing when they threw tantrums. Laughing as their dad built them a princess castle, and they proceeded to play with the box. Sniffling a little when their parents saw them off to preschool. 

 

When the video finally cut off, Holtz stood up from her perch on the comfy chair, walking over to take Erin’s hands and help her off the couch. Erin took Holtz’s hand as she looked down lovingly at Holtz’s belly, which Holtz cradled with a gentle touch of her other hand. 

 

“Erin, you wanna know how I know we’re gonna kill it as parents?”

 

Erin smiled. “How?”

 

Holtz gave her a playful smirk. “Because these babies are going to be drowning in love from the moment they come out. From you, from me, and from everyone we know.” She pressed their held hands against her swelling stomach. “So it doesn’t matter if it’s two babies in there, or two hundred. Everything else is gonna work out from there.” She looked Erin in the eyes, blue meeting blue. “Do you believe me?” 

 

Erin stared at the woman she loved, and down at her stomach which held her babies. Their babies. She breathed a sigh of true relief for the first time in weeks.

 

“I do.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, leave me your comments!! I'm a slut for comments!!!
> 
> Follow me on tumblr @queerbioengineer, and see more incredible artwork at @rootproxy


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erin's acting weird around Holtz.
> 
> Holtz starts to feel insecure about her body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who loved sexy-time with pregnant!Holtz... y'all gonna thank me for this sin.

From the time she went through puberty to well-past her wedding day, Holtzmann had always been a relatively thin woman. Though she might pass her fellow ghostbusters a blasé comment about her hummingbird metabolism as she helped herself to thirds of Chinese, she never really noticed or cared about her size, or anyone else’s for that matter. Something about being the only gay Jew in your middle school made caring about societal norms sort of go out the window. In fact, she only even registered being significantly smaller than Abby or Patty whenever she would put on their jumpsuits by mistake, and notice the excess material flapping under her arms. Even then, she would simply shrug and proceed to try and glide off the balcony like a flying squirrel. 

 

It did not work. 

 

It was for this reason that Holtzmann honestly couldn’t have cared less about the size of her growing stomach for the last 7 months, is what she told herself. She was currently sitting somewhat awkwardly in a kitchen chair, legs splayed out to the sides as she shifted back and forth with discomfort on the unforgiving wooden seat. Her mug of herbal tea sloshed in her hands, as her eyes darted left and right across the room, following her wife’s frantic movements like she was watching a tennis match. 

 

“Erin, sweetie, you’re gonna give the three of us whiplash.” 

 

Erin glanced up from the stack of boxes she was carrying across the apartment. She placed them down with a loud thump in the foyer, wiping the sweat from her brow. 

 

“Sorry Jill, but the movers are coming tomorrow, and there’s still so much to do. I have to finish packing up the bathroom, and I haven’t even started packing up the bedroom…”

 

Holtz sighed into her mug of tragically caffeine-less tea (which Erin insisted was good for the babies), wrinkling her nose a bit at the bitter smell. Nasty. 

She shook her head, bedhead-ridden blond curls falling into her face as she tried to tune back into Erin’s stressed muttering. Erin had been like this for weeks. If it wasn’t packing, it was working. If it wasn’t working, it was decorating the new house. And if it wasn’t that, it was something else to do with the babies. Even if she wasn’t stressing out about having twins anymore, and her health had almost fully returned, it still just seemed like her wife was always just…busy, these days.

 

Holtz sighed even louder, leaning her head on her chin as she looked over as the bustling redhead. Maybe Erin just needed to relax, take a break. She pursed her lips, pondering the idea as Erin swore, having pricked herself on the sharp edge of her packing tape.

And, well… Holtz would be lying if she said her motivations weren’t a little selfish. Ever since the whole Rowan incident, she hadn’t gotten a whole lot of alone time with Erin. Or a whole lot of, you know… ‘alone time.’ Which the blonde had been desperately craving for what felt like ages.

 

Well, Holtz could fix that. 

 

“Hey Eeerriinn?” Holtz sang, smiling sweetly as the woman in question spun in place, abandoning her task in favor of rushing over to the kitchen table.

 

“What is it, sweetie? Do you need something?” Holtz grinned. She couldn’t have asked for a better intro. 

 

“Maaybee.” She batted her eyes up at Erin as innocently as she could manage with her particular arrest record. She reached up and snatched her wife’s injured fingers out of the air, bringing them to her mouth to place a soft kiss atop each one. “Why don’t we wait on packing up the bedroom, baby? I think I might still have some use for that bed today.” She threw Erin a flirtatious wink, hoping she would catch on to Holtz’s mood quickly. 

 

To Holtz’s dismay, the insinuation seemed to fly right over the taller woman’s head, as deep blue eyes lit up in concern, and a flurry of words began attacking Holtz. “Are you tired? Here honey, go take a nap, I’ll bring you some extra blankets. Do you need help getting up?” 

 

“No, Erin I-“

 

“Oh wait, you haven’t eaten yet, silly me. I’ll go make you some breakfast.” A quick kiss to her cheek. “Be right back!”

 

And Erin was gone. Holtz remained seated in place, staring at the empty space Erin had stood in not two seconds ago. What just happened?

 

The blonde slumped in her chair with disappointment, raising an eyebrow as her stomach nudged against the edge of the table halfway down her glide to defeat. 

“Oh, shut up,” she muttered, feeling as though the fetuses were laughing at her failed attempt at seduction. It really sucked constantly having an audience for embarrassing stuff, even if that audience wasn’t necessarily born yet. 

 

Holtz took a rare moment to glance down at herself. She was still in her boxer shorts, and a large T-shirt that was barely accommodating her abdomen at this point, making her feel somewhat like a tightly-packed sausage. She supposed that her hair could be less messy… and it had been a while since she shaved her legs, actually. She frowned, folding her arms over her chest as she felt some weird, foreign feeling in the pit of her stomach, and not the kind that meant she had to go to the bathroom. Maybe she ought to just try again with Erin later, under different circumstances. 

 

—

 

“Erin!” Holtz glanced up from her lab bench happily as her favorite physicist strolled through the door, significantly more green than when she had left the Firehouse. “How was the bust? Did you guys kick some ghostly ass today?” She mimed throwing a one-two punch in the air. 

 

Erin chuckled, placing her proton pack on it’s designated rack in the lab as she attempted to wipe ectoplasm out of her eyes. “Well, I only got slimed by two ghosts today, so… call that a win?”

 

“Aw, poor baby,” Holtz said sympathetically. While the engineer was trying hard to keep a straight face, she was practically buzzing in anticipation. She had been all day, ever since the other three women had left for the call in Queens. Because busting meant ghosts, and ghosts meant slime, and slime meant-

 

“Are you gonna take a shower?” Holtz asked casually, keeping an eye on Erin’s face as she did so. 

 

Erin nodded dolefully, giving a resigned sigh. “Heaven knows I need one.” She ducked behind her desk to grab the special shampoo she kept for ridding herself of the pesky green gunk.

 

Holtz took a breath. Okay, this was it, definitely gonna work this time. She was wearing an unusually feminine top for her, one with a low cut that she had somehow allowed Erin to purchase from an actual maternity store (ugh). She had combed her hair this morning and everything, so she was more than ready to rock ’n roll with her sexy, slime-covered redhead. 

 

“Want me to join you?” Holtz purred, walking up behind Erin and wrapping her arms around her, belly pressed against Erin’s back as she leaned up to whisper in Erin’s ear. “I can help you get those hard-to-reach spots.”

 

Erin jumped a little at the warm breath in her ear, spinning around to face Holtz with a somewhat forced giggle. “Oh that’s okay Jilly, you don’t have to-“

 

“But I want to,” Holtz stepped closer, trying to put on some of her old swagger in her step that would surely make the physicist crumble. She toyed with the zipper on Erin’s jumpsuit and looked up at the taller woman with a sultry gaze. “Come on, I’ll even let you do that thing where you-“

 

“Maybe later, Jill,” Erin all but yelped, suddenly tensing up as she gently backed away and out of Holtz’s grasp. Holtz’s face fell and her shoulders slumped as Erin hurried off to the Firehouse showers, mumbling a string of quiet excuses in her wake. 

 

Holtz sat down in Erin’s desk chair, picking at her stupid shirt and messing with her stupid hair with a deep, grumbling frown on her pink lips. She rubbed the curve of her belly, suddenly all too conscious of the other parts of her that were different. Her hips were softer and her feet were swollen. And was her face a little puffy? 

 

She shook her head. No, it didn’t matter. That had nothing to do with this, and she didn’t care. It was fine, it was all fine. 

 

She didn’t care. 

 

——— 

 

It had been a long day for Erin Gilbert. 

 

She had gotten up early, obviously, to do more unpacking around the new townhouse. So far, pretty much only the kitchen and the Master bedroom were fully settled into, and she still had to paint the twins’ nursery. Not to mention she was working on building a second crib to match the one that Holtz had made. Of course she couldn’t let Holtz build another, it’d be far too strenuous for her. Except Erin didn’t really know how to build, or whittle, or turn a screw…. but it was fine, she’d figure it out. 

 

She had kept herself quite busy at work, having pried some new equations to develop out of Abby’s personal notebook (she surely wouldn’t miss them). She had then run out to pick up lunch for Holtz, along with those prenatal vitamins that Sharon had suggested, and then it was right back down to work. 

 

She had asked Patty if she could drive Holtz home today, as she might have to work late. She definitely wasn’t avoiding Holtz, there was just so much to do around here! Besides, Holtz needed rest and relaxation, Erin didn’t want to bother her. 

 

So it was well after sundown that day when Erin turned the key to their new home. She hoped Holtz would already be in bed…because she needed her sleep, obviously. 

 

What Erin didn’t expect when she stepped inside was to be met by Holtz right in the foyer, foregoing words in favor of pressing her lips directly against Erin’s. 

Erin’s eyes went wide as Holtz wrapped slim arms around Erin’s neck, warm tongue slipping into her mouth and warm body pressed up against hers firmly. Holtz kissed her passionately, and Erin couldn’t help letting out a small moan as she ran her hand’s down Erin’s back, fingers slipping under the hem of Erin’s pants. 

 

Erin pulled back, breathing heavily as she tried to sputter out: “Jill, I don’t think we should…” she fumbled her words as she took in the full sight of Holtz in the dim lighting. 

 

“What?” Holtz mumbled into Erin’s neck as she kissed her pulse point firmly, leaving lipstick stains in her wake. Erin didn’t know where she had found a dainty lace slip that fit her body like that, or when she had time to curl her hair like that after work, but it was making Erin’s next word’s even harder to get out, as she pulled Holtz off of her as gently as she could, holding the confused woman at arm’s length. 

 

“I-I don’t think we should…you know, right now, I’m just- I’m kinda tired, and… Jill?”

 

Holtz’s lower lip had started trembling while Erin stuttered, baby blue eyes growing more and more watery until the tears spilled over, whimpering into both her hands as she cried, with Erin looking on in horror right in front of her. 

 

“Jill, honey! What’s wrong, why are you crying?” Erin reached a hand out hesitantly, unsure of where to touch the shaking blonde that it would be okay.

 

Despite her best efforts, Holtz could only blubber into her hands, trying in vain to hide the makeup running down her cheeks from Erin as she cried. “You-you…don’t…think…I’m… pretty…anymore” she choked out, before turning away to run upstairs. As Erin stood frozen in the hallway, she heard the door to their bedroom slam shut upstairs. 

 

Erin closed her eyes, leaning her head backwards to hit it against the front door in frustration with herself, silently cursing her own goddamn stupidity. 

 

——

 

Holtz was so embarrassed. 

 

She wiped at her eyes furiously as she sat on the edge of the bed, trying to stem the flow of tears that seemed insistent upon ruining their new bedspread.

 

“Stupid hormones,” Holtz sniffed, wiping her nose and realizing how she would only look worse to Erin now, with her puffy red eyes and everything. This was stupid, she only cried about serious stuff, like when Erin was in the hospital, or when the babies were in danger. But this? This was ridiculous. She was being selfish, and she knew it. 

 

So what if Erin never wanted to have sex with her again? 

 

She whimpered against her will, devolving into a new set of quiet sobs. Dammit. 

 

She heard a gentle knock on the door. Erin. “Jilly, can I come in?” 

 

Letting out a small affirmative noise, Holtz looked up as Erin entered the room softly, sitting down next to her on the edge of the bed. Holtz wouldn’t meet her eyes, couldn’t bear to see what Erin must think of her now.

 

“Jillian,” Erin said quietly. “Why would you ever think that I don’t think you’re pretty anymore?”

 

Holtz choked on her words once more, voice trembling as she tried to speak with as much dignity as she felt she had left after her pitiful attempt at seduction.

 

“You-never-want- to-touchmeanymore,” the blonde clutched a pillow between her arms for comfort as she spoke. “I don’t blame you…I’m not sexy anymore.” She broke down into tears once more. 

 

“Jilly, no!” Erin’s voice broke as her instincts took over, and she wrapped the small-framed woman in her arms, rubbing her back soothingly. “Baby, this is all my fault, I’m so sorry.” Erin felt her own blue eyes begin to water at the sound of her love crying like this, so sad and insecure, and she hadn’t even noticed, damn her. 

 

“Fuck, baby, I never wanted you to feel this way.” Holtz looked up at the sound of Erin swearing, a rare occasion in and of itself. She was confused by the expression on Erin’s face. The apprehension she had been seeing for weeks, yes, but there was something else.

Shame. 

 

“Baby, I’ve been avoiding you because I was too scared to touch you,” Erin said frantically, imploring Holtz to believe her. “I didn’t want to hurt you, baby.”

 

Holtz wiped her eyes some more, breathing slowing a bit as she dismissed the poor excuse. “Yeah, right.”

 

“It’s true!” Erin wasn’t meeting her eyes. Or she was looking at something else, Holtz realized. Her neck. The bruises there were almost completely faded, leaving nothing but slight yellow marks and a bit of tenderness from Erin’s firm grip almost a month ago. Holtz sighed in understanding.

 

“Erin, you know that wasn’t you-“

 

“Yes, I know Jill, but I was there.” Now it was Erin’s turn for tears to spill over her eyes, leaving hot salty streaks down her face. “It wasn’t like it was with Abby, where she didn’t remember. I was awake, the whole time.“ 

 

Holtz balked. Erin hadn’t told them that. 

 

“I could feel you… gasping for air. I could feel how scared you were, I could feel my hand squeezing, just seconds away from crushing your windpipe, or snapping your neck.” Erin shook her head. “I can’t touch you, baby, I don’t deserve to. I’ll just end up hurting you again."

 

Erin moved to stand up and away from Holtz, but Holtz held her fast in her grip. Her face looked fiercely determined as she tilted Erin’s chin up to face her.

 

“I’m not made of glass, Erin.” She wiped the confused redhead’s tears away. “I didn’t break then and I won’t break now.” She grabbed Erin’s hand and lifted it to her neck, Erin gasping quietly as Holtz brushed her blonde hair off her shoulders with one hand and wrapped Erin's long, slender fingers around her own throat with the other.

 

“Jill, what are you-“

 

“I trust you Erin.” Holtz stared at her pointedly. “See?” 

 

Erin stared at her own frozen hand, felt the soft, ivory skin, pliable under her fingertips in their position wrapped around her lover’s throat.  She slid her gently grip softly around to feel Holtz’s pulse, blood pumping just a centimeter beneath her touch. 

 

Holtz didn’t even flinch. Just kept staring at her with those unshakeable blue eyes. Erin felt her heartbeat racing beneath her skin, yet she didn’t look afraid at all. Just the opposite, in fact. Holtz looked as though she could stay there forever, kneeling on the bed right next to Erin, who held her in the same position that had threatened her life once before. Giving Erin her complete trust.

 

“What are you going to do?” Holtz asked softly. 

 

Another moment passed. Then Erin moved her hand, slid it around to the back of Holtz’s neck. Pulled her in. Kissed her. Hard. 

 

Holtz lost herself in it. Would have let out a cry of relief at the familiar taste of Erin had she not wasted so many of her tears earlier. All she could do now was drink in the intimacy that she had been craving, letting it wash over her in waves of reassurance. Yet, when soft lips continued to push and pull each other deeper and deeper into the dark, urgent hands beginning to roam beneath the slight scratch of lacy fabric, Holtz took a gasping breath, pulling back as she held Erin’s face carefully 

 

“Erin, we don’t have to. If you don’t want to, I understand.” 

 

Erin opened her eyes, looking at her curiously. Her eyes were startlingly intense.

 

Holtz faltered. “I mean, I’m still all, you know…” She gestured briefly to her lower body nestled on the bed, only barely covered by the ridiculous slip she had worn, and her cheeks flushed with residual insecurity. She hardly felt like she had to point out the elephant in the room, pun intended,  and expected Erin to prefer snuggling as a compromise for intimacy in her current condition. 

 

She was surprised, however, when Erin brushed her hands over Holtz’s pale shoulders, pushing the thin straps off as she leaned in to press hungry kisses against Holtz’s collarbone, sending shivers down Holtz’s spine. 

 

"Are you kidding me, Jillian?” She murmured into her skin, as she began to scrape her teeth lower over the cream-colored fabric, breathing goosebumps into her skin. Erin traced her hands down the curve of Holtz’s stomach, ghosting over her hips as she lapped at the fabric\covering a nipple, giving it a gentle nip through the material when she felt it harden, smiling at Holtz’s gasp in response. 

 

“Baby,” she slipped her hands beneath the lace skirt, delighting in the hot, soft skin of Holtz’s upper thighs, her legs knelt off to the sides to keep her body upright despite the increasing movement on the bed. 

 

“I’ve never wanted someone more in my life.”

 

Erin fingered the fabric thoughtfully before easing the slip up and over Holtz’s head, biting her lip to suppress a groan when she saw her wife sitting there on the bed, naked, pale skin almost glowing in the evening light. Holtz’s pupil’s were blown with lust, but also tinged with the same nervousness they had held the first time Erin and Holtz spent the night together. 

 

Erin rid herself of her shirt and pants before Holtz could say a word, conscious of the face that she was far too clothed for the other woman’s liking. She let her eyes roam hungrily over the blonde’s body, unsure of how Holtz could think she was anything other than-

 

“Beautiful,” Erin murmured into a kiss on Holtz’s soft lips, as she gently wrapped an arm around her lover’s back and eased her onto her back, mindful of her well-rounded stomach as she lay beside her, curled around the blonde’s delicate frame. Erin continued to breath praise and adoration onto Holtz’s lips as her hands felt every inch of skin that they could find, treating every curve and bump that Holtz had tried to ignore to a teasing caress. Holtz strained herself to kiss any inch of Erin that she could reach from where she lay, golden locks splayed out against the pillow, entirely helpless and hopelessly aroused as her wife worshiped every inch of her body unrelentingly.

 

Holtz gasped into Erin’s neck when her hands dipped between soft blonde curls, which were thoroughly slick with desire at the lightest of touches. She moaned into the long, languid strokes of Erin’s fingers, sliding and pressing and circling every way she knew would reduce Holtz to a rosy-cheeked mess. 

 

When Erin slowly slid down beneath her stomach, kissing each and every stretch mark she found along the way, Holtz could have come apart right then and there, could have easily gasped her way into bliss after far too short of an amount of time under Erin’s dutiful attention. However, she managed to hold on, letting her legs be parted by the enamored redhead, shuddering at the feeling of her skillful tongue lick slowly along every inch of delicious heat she could find. 

 

Holtz briefly mourned the fact that she couldn’t thread her hand through Erin’s hair, guiding her mouth further into her dripping folds. But Erin’s hands made use of their freedom, stroking the skin of Holtz’s thighs, before gripping her hips and pulling her closer, deeper into her lover’s work. Holtz tossed her head back, whining in strained pleasure at the stimulation overwhelming her body, every sensation multiplied by a thousand by the sensitivity in her skin. 

 

She felt the familiar pressure building, felt Erin chasing it rapidly, slipping two fingers inside Holtz as she sucked and moaned against her swollen clit.

 

Holtz managed to gasp out “Erin…” at the intrusion, before fingers were curled into just the right spot, and Holtz’s vision went white. 

 

She gasped and shuddered as she came, hard and long, feeling Erin lapping deeply at her juices as she slowly came back down to Earth. She was left gasping for air, whining at the sudden loss of Erin inside her, only to sigh with contentment when her wife crawled up the bed beside her, wrapping her arms around her snugly. 

 

“Erin… I…” Holtz’s post-bliss thoughts were interrupted by a loud yawn, drawing a giggle from her wife, as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

 

“Tired?” 

“Mmph. No, need to…your turn.” Holtz blinked sleepily, semi-conscious of a blanket being pulled over their naked bodies.

 

Erin kissed her forehead. “Later, gorgeous.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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> 
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